ShaZaReenE... ma bitchin' space.

DiSaPpOinTed...

2011-12-28T00:37:00.001+08:00

Dear Boo,

It's really disappointing to come home after a long day at work only to find yourself being scowled at. Sometimes I really do wish that people understand that my coming home late is no longer a choice. It's a requirement. I have responsibilities and commitments. I really don't see the point of such hostility. The only thing it achieves is heartache.

I need a hug!

Bless...

~ShaZ~

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tHiS aNd ThaT...

2011-12-21T20:33:00.002+08:00

Dear Boo,

1. The cough is getting really bad. It doesn’tcome as a surprise though. My cough always gets bad.

2. They progress on the monitoring system isnot apparent. I can’t help that. There’s too much background work that I needto sort out first. The target is to get it up next week!

3. The end of 2011 is approaching. It doesn’tfeel like a year has passed. Life has improved a bit and for that I amthankful.

4. PhD is the path that I have decided formyself. I am going to see this through. I need to get the MyBrain applicationmatters sorted out. With that scholarship I’d get some breathing space. I don’treally see how it’d fit into the space though. But I see the direction so Iguess it’s good enough for the moment. As AAR always puts it, “you can’t beperfect all the time!”

5. I am still obsessed with pictures of AdamPhebus!

... obessed!

Bless...

~ShaZ~

cRuNcH TiMe...

2011-12-19T19:38:00.000+08:00

Hey Boo,

Sorry for the long lapse time… I am not as disciplined as I used to be. I have to admit, I am not so proliferate too these days. It saddens me really… sometimes the things you want is just not streamlined to the things that you need to do.

I have neglected you... my facebook, twitter, google+ and even foursquare. I don’t know if could actually say that this was a trade-off for a more productive phase of my life. But rest assured, I have progressed a little. I used to ask myself “what have I got to show for myself... ?” But now, at least I could say that I saw it through. In regards to my master degree anyways.

The diet program however did went to hell... I know it, but I can’t help it. Not now anyways. Excuses… I know this but I just can’t help it. For now... I have got quite a few tasks on my plate. PhD, career, and embarrassingly... physique. These should keep me busy for the next three years.

crunch time is now!

Signing off…

Bless.

~ShaZ~

FasTiNg MoNtH...

2011-08-01T17:14:00.003+08:00

Hey Boo,

I hadn’t realised until yesterday that Ramadhan was coming. These past few weeks has been so eventful and draining that I didn’t have time to think… Someone told me that lists are powerful tools that give you direction and focus… and I totally agree…

Things to look into this month!

1. Loosing some lbs…

need to loose lbs!

2. Getting used to the new office environment!

3. Making some money!

4. Telling some people they can go suck something! Some people (or this person in particular) sure meddles a lot… In everything. I hate it! Because of this I has to cut short my hangout in Kota Kinabalu! I absolutely hate it!

5. Eat less!

sexy!

6. Stay sexy…! I was looking at myself in the mirror and can’t help but feel a bit sloppy lately… My clothes don’t fit well… and wrinkles and bulges in the wrong places… I hate it!

Bless…

~ShaZ~

GeTting iNto tHe MooD...

2011-07-19T09:41:00.001+08:00

Hey Boo,

On moving on with life...
1. I can't help but feel like I'm somewhat untested at times. After submitting the thesis finally I feel the need to fill in the gap that was left behind by the urgency to submit. Now I'm allowed to think about other things. I can move on. I can test myself... what I'm capable of achieving. Finally I will be tested.
2. I have mixed feeling on the move... Part of me is sad to leave all the luxuries and comforts that we've had all this while. Another party of me is excited by the possibilities. There's also another part that feels nervous... I don't know how things will turn out. But i'll do my best to make the best best of what I have now. God give me strength...

On travelling...
3. Yesterday was the first time that I was on a plane that made a u-turn on the runway. I thought it was rather amusing.
4. A friend said it's difficult to find cute stewards these days... I agree.
5. Killing time at McDonalds seems like a good idea but very calorie intensive...

Rants...
6. Cute guys that travel with their moms are super adorable...

Self development....
7. I'm starting the book of ideas today. I have the book... Just need those ideas. Will report in in a few days.
8. Need to re-list my expenditure. Don't ever want to lose sight!
9. Need to lose weight! This project shall commence immediately.
10. Need to sort ot my products. I start taking care of myself again...

Bless...

ShaZ

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suNdAy MoRniNg RaNtS...

2011-07-17T08:27:00.005+08:00

I want to be sexy...

Hey Boo,

On marriage...
1. Marriage is about understanding each other... Which actually means taking as much insult and nagging you can take from your wife/husband everyday with the realisation... This is the person that I married and I have to live with this person for the rest of my life.
2. Marriage is about communication... Which actually means you listen and listen and listen to everything, from compliments to insults, and never ever reciprocate... The proper respond to everything is nodding and agreeing. From experience I can say... Women don't want to actually talk, nor do they want to listen... They actually just need an endorsement from you on what they actually already decided in their mind.
3. Marriage is about tolerance... Which actually means taking as much shit as you can and not utter a word to express discomfort or disagreement.
4. Marriage is about helping each other... Which actually means doing everything you are told to do and not whine about it... And... Listening to everything she has done for you again and again and again...

On my thesis...
5. Actually submitting the final hardbound copy gives me much relief. I'm happy that I can close this chapter of my life. If there is one thing that I learn from this six years of wasted time is sometimes you just have to do it! And it took me six years to learn this. Family and loved ones give support but contradicting-ly takes up all your time... I don't blame them though... I just had to get my urgents and importants right.
6. Sometimes... And I do mean sometimes, all it takes is a little magic. For this I an starting to believe in miracles!About Life...
7. I need to pick up the listing out things to do again. Things have been getting a little sloppy lately.
8. I need to geta book to write my ideas down. They come and if you don't kot them down you'll forget. I read somewhere that it's be good to just capture them as they come along.

About Debts...
9. You must never lose sight of what you're doing. Always be clear on your undertakings and commitments... Otherwise, before you know it you're fucked. Always plan an exit our recovery just in case things get bad. I find that it's also good to write things down. It'll give tipu a clearer picture. Not nicer mind you... Just clearer. Debts are sure one ugly sight to see.
10. Sometimes you need to sell your pride to setle things. I'll keep the details to myself though...

Bless...

ShaZ

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wE sHouLdaLL sTaY caLm

2011-07-14T23:26:00.001+08:00

Boo,
Let's just start with the ten items...
1. Submitting the final copy of the hardbound thesis to the dean's office today was one of the most liberating feeling i've had in a very long time. I'm glad that this chapter in my life can finally be concluded. I am sure those around me must feel the same...
2. Some people are just nice. Like my boss... He buys me clothes... Me like!
3. "it's time to make money!" That's the new motto!
4. Money problems are hard... but having someone tup share it with and talk to is god sent...
5. I am worried. But it is not warranted!
6. Things are finally moving in the right direction for me. I can help people again. Having needed people's help all the time is so depressing.
7. I am fst! Need to loose weight!
8. I am so pissed with the management skills of some people. If you change plans the last minute how are people going to accommodate? Stupid you are.
9. To go or not to go... Kuching. Looks like I have to go.
10. I am flying to Alor Setar next week. Sigh.

Bless...

ShaZ

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reCaP...

2011-07-11T17:52:00.001+08:00

Hey Boo,

Let’s try and capture the recent developments as promised…

1. Last Friday I managed to get Prof. Nik’s signature on my corrections, printed out the final copy of my thesis and sent it out for hard cover binding. At last I can almost put this chapter behind me now.

2. Stayed home on Saturday to rest because we were all unwell and wanted to avoid the traffic congestion due to the roadblocks.

3. I learnt that a life with lesser secrets is a life fareasier to manage. So I am progressively tabling out all my complications. Let people see and judge me for who I really am… Progressively being the key word here of course.

4. I learnt that sometimes you just have to do thing the long way to please certain people. When it comes to people that you so dearly love, there are never shortcuts. You just have to do your best to care… and caring is my specialty I guess…

5. I also have come to the conclusion that I have to reduce my weight… by a lot! So this will be the next project! Not so easy to accomplish seeing that I am always hungry by 11 am… but I will have to try…

6. I learn that when it comes to sex and flirting, you just have to keep things simple and honest. Let them call it as they see it… no pretences… believe me it’d spare both parties the awkwardness afterwards.

7. The easiest way to get hold of your life if you think it’s getting to messy and hectic is to write down what you need to do and tackle the list one item at a time. I have started this and trying to make it a habit. It really does make things easier.

8. Sexy is a must! I changed my desktop from sexy Kellan Lutz’s six pack abs to nature backgrounds and I really think that I am less productive… Conclusion… Sexy is a must!

9. Another good advice that I can give isto pay your bills on time. Don’t let it snowball into an unmanageable sums… I learnt this the hard way. Even if you can pay the whole sum, make it a point to pay a portion that you can afford to pay… as long as you pay… you’re alright.

10. Stay focused. Read the horoscopes or even talk philosophy with your boss… if it helps you stay focused on the basis of your life and what keeps you going… do it… do it every day! Make sure you know where you’re going to and where you want to end up.

In the meantime, enjoy this sexy! Adam Phebus…

I wish...

Bless…

~ShaZ~

Test test

2011-07-10T23:35:00.001+08:00

This is my first blog using the samsung tablet. Seems to be manageable.
Trying to insert a picture...
Bless...
ShaZ

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rEvAMp...

2011-07-06T17:48:00.001+08:00

Hi Boo,

There are so many happenings in the last 6 months it feels like forever since I last popped in here. Since I joined Dr. Aziz life’s getting a little better. Things are somewhat on track… who knew losing sight just for a moment could lead to so many problems.

There’s a lesson to be learnt here definitely…

Your choices will either get you places you want to be or the will fuck you up real nice!

I seek serenity!

Even though I could see a long and difficult life in the near future but at least I clearly see it. As my sister so correctly put “It’s time to get out of the skies and live in the real world on earth”. So that’s priority number one for me now.. Live on earth and live a real life!

I was thinking I’d start this again by capturing the things that matter to me for that particular day… So here goes…

I worry… I worry a lot for my family. I hope the ones making the decisions are making the right one.
I curse those who have caused my family all this pain… even if they’re also to blame for being so gullible.
My boss is a person I can depend on even if there’s no one else who would help me.
I have to stay focused.

Bless…

~ShaZ~

GoSh...

2011-06-08T11:32:00.002+08:00

Boo!!!

It's so dusty here.... hehehe...

***takes feather duster and puts on apron****

Let's get sexy!

let's get dirty! O_0

"Imagine" - John Lennon - Tucson Tribute - (Sam Tsui / AHMIR cover)

2011-01-23T19:34:00.000+08:00

I love this! Somehow Sam's voice has a way of touching my heart!

sHe'S DeFiNiTeLy gOinG tO eAt mE...

2011-01-18T13:35:00.002+08:00

"have you ever seen a more beautiful guy?!"

~drool~

Hey Boo,

Just thought I'd write something in this ten minutes.

1. The awkward moment between NMS, AAR, RR and me today...

NMS comes in to see AAR about something and acts like I am not there. Goes on talking to AAR and finally...

NMS: I see you Shazrin and I am not ignoring you...

Me: Errrr. I might as well be invisible... *stupid face*

NMS: yeah you should have that Harry Potter cloak on maybe.

Me: *smirk* *start to laugh*

NMS: I seem to attract all these weird students... *shakes head like she's seem blasphemy*

AAR: Don't worry Raja, I am included in that list. You're not doing anything that I've not done with Prof Nik for years and years... *to the rescue*

*we all started laughing profusely like mad people*

The funny thing is I didn't know what I was laughing about. It wasn't funny at all. No sir. Not at all. Crazy!

2. My boss is nice when he wants to be. He just need support. Lots of it!

3. Some people go too far. I am really not sure what they're up to but they're really not being smart. And no playing their cards right.

4. I feel like I am not making my worth! I hope my boss doesn't feel the same!

5. My 3 page a day target is f*cked.

6. I will do my best to make today a productive day!

7. I am to keep a daily list!

8. The Damage Control and Mitigation Action Plan need to be drawn out! Quickly!

9. I am worried for my children!

10. I should be more thankful. I should do my best to make my worth!

Bless...

~ShaZ

Sent from my iPhone

wORk

2011-01-06T00:05:00.001+08:00

Hey Boo,

If you don't take charge of your life now, you might never be able to again. It's important to act before things get out of hand.

1. Life has been super stressful lately. There's just too much catching up on me at the same time. I can't keep up.

2. In times of hardship... people who you least expects lends a helping hand. I was touched. There is kindness in this world after all. Thanks Babu and Kak Raz!

3. Work is hard, but I need this job!

4. No physical progress on my thesis. It'll have to go soon. I can't play cat and mouse with NMS forever.

Boss is back. Next time then.

Bless...

~ShaZ

Sent from my iPhone

aBouT GeTTinG oN wiTh LiFe...

2010-11-16T11:14:00.001+08:00

... about life...

Hey Boo,

"Life is hard... but it is still good"

I read this in an email forwarded to me and I though to myself... Sometimes I complain too much about my life.

So:

1.
If you don't go to the gym and eat like a pig... You'll get fat! It's simple really!

2.
If you see an opportunity, grab it... If you don't it might just pass you by...

3.
Sometimes you do things that don't make much sense. At times these are required... Sacrifices need to be made... in order to progress nothing is beneath you! Nothing!

4.
Interesting conversation:

AAR: You look good...
Me: How so?
AAR: You look more calm...
Me: You know what that is?... ACCEPTANCE... *laughs*
AAR: *laughs* Yeah... You don't look bitchy...
Me: Hurmmm... the bitchiness has long drained away... *sobs in my heart*

5.
A new opportunity may arise... I'll grab this one for sure as soon as it materializes!

6.
Bill need to be paid... No matter how your monetary situation is...

7.
Afternoon shifts on the eve of Eid sucks!

8.
Meeting close friends is good for you! They give support and cheer you up... No fancy word required. It is as simple and as beautiful as that!

9.
I was labelled as complex! Sometimes I just think that equates to just plain CRAZY!

10.
If you're poor... You cannot afford to he lazy!

Bless...

~ShaZ

Sent from my iPhone

ToDaY's pOsT iS aBoUT pErCePTioNs...

2010-09-06T06:28:00.002+08:00

... Perceptions...

Hey Boo,

Sometimes you need to put up a drama because people expect you to...

Sometimes... it's simply because you feel like throwing a fit...

Sometimes you put up a drama to... help?!

1. There are things that you can share with friends. There are things that you can share with your mother. There are things that you can share with your wife. There are things that you can share with your boss. And there are things that you can share on Twitter. But... there aren't many things that you can share with all! Different people will have different take on things. Not all will be forgiving. It's a fact!

2. Interesting conversation that I had with AAR:

Me: Is it okay if I flirted?!
AAR: Man or woman?
Me: Both.
AAR: Are you sleeping with them?
Me: Then it's not flirting. That's adultery.
AAR: True. Then it's okay!
Me: *smiles*

3. I am having all these reactions on twitter. Hurmmm.

4. I found out that my wife frequents my blog.

5. Change of Raya plans. Instead of Terengganu I am going back to my in-laws in Penang. Been so for the past three years. This is one of those I can't explain to all parties. Let it be. Say what you want. I am doing what I got to do.

6. I only bought two cargo shorts and two t-shirts for me in Bangkok. I'll just wear those and one of my old jeans for Raya.

7. I think I am most honest when I am with my iPhone. Hurmmm. I ought to just stop there!

8. I ought to find a job. But if I do I'd have to live with the monthly pay. How can I when we spend at least 6k a month. Who's going to give me 6k? No one that's who. But it's difficult. It is.

9. I finally got a new wallet. Courtesy of the Mrs. Thanks darls...

10. I feel so fat and bloated lately. After Raya I should make it a point to pickup where I left off at TF. I miss TF.

11. I had a can of Necafe's Mocha. The second can since... Things aren't always as bad as they seem. Only you make it as bad as it seems. Or even worse.

12. I am being vague for reasons in #1.

Bless...

~ShaZ

Sent from my iPhone

hEaDaChE...

2010-09-01T19:42:00.003+08:00

Hey Boo,

I missed the last few days of blogging.

1. Life seems a bit confusing after I came back from Bangkok. Perhaps 5 days out of sync. So many things out of control.

2. Bills to pay!!! Bills to pay!!!

3. I am slowly getting more addicted yo Twitter! Who's to say it's a bad thing. I am happy after all.

4. My thesis... Enough said. I really really really need to jumpstart the damned thing back into action.

5. Guilt: do I feel guilty? Hurmmm. I don't know. But I don't think so.

6. I am having such a headache. I need a break. Wasn't five days in Bangkok enough?! No it was not. Not at all!!!

Bless...

ShaZ

ReMoRsE... iT cHaNgeS pEoPLe!

2010-08-30T02:38:00.001+08:00

Hey Boo,

My only bother is that it doesn't really bother me. My remorse is that I don't feel remorse.

1. I always tell my friends: "Draw a line and never ever cross it". What if I didn't draw a line. What if I didn't want to draw a line. I am confused.

2. Bangkok has been really draining. We went on a shopping spree all over Bangkok... Whizzing from Pratunam Centre to MBK to Yaowarat to JatuJak and back. OMG. But it's quite an experience and I think we were quite objective and we didn't do bad at all. Not at all bad!

3. I wanted to spoil myself silly here. But in these 5 days I only managed one foot massage and one oil massage. Both of which I enjoyed. I'll miss Bangkok for this.

4. I am changed! Enough said.

changed

5. I look forward to going home. Even if it is in a cramped airplane. AirAsia sucks sometimes but it gets us there!!! Cheaper!!!

6. I need a private blog!

7. I miss more people now. Is that okay? Is there a norm or some sort of guideline to who you can and cannot miss? I need yo think about this!

Bless...

~ShaZ

tRy To pOsT ViA eMaiL

2010-08-26T08:25:00.001+08:00

Hey Boo,

Hope this works...

bAnGkOK...

2010-08-26T08:19:00.000+08:00

Hey Boo,

The flight to Bangkok got delayed. Have some time so I thought I'd blog.

1. I typed the post halfway yesterday and fell asleep. Hurmm. Must've been pretty tired.

2. Not much progress with AAR yesterday. Too many distractions in my opinion. But work is work.

3. Met a really nice guy on twitter. He's studying medicine in Egypt. It's been a while since I've felt that way chatting with someone. :-) wonder how old he is though.

4. Still on chapter 2 for the thesis. I don't like that there's no progress. Don't know how different I should do things though.

5. I miss meanie...

6. It's too bad I cannot post pictures from my iPhone onto my blog.

Bless...

~ShaZ

cOmPLeTe wAsTe...

2010-08-23T17:08:00.002+08:00

Hey Boo,

Today was a complete waste!

1. I felt so drained. I slept for half an hour in the afternoon. I have not done this for ages. It must be all this activity...
2. I was accused for not paying attention... For not talking... I don't know how else to act. Perhaps I was wrong. For the sake of those under my care, I am going to let this one slide. I am going to man up and just bear with it.
3. Tonight I am working late again. I wish it wouldn't be turned into an excuse! Amen.
4. Chapter 2 has not moved for days. I hate this.
5. I miss going to the gym. I feel so lethargic and bloated. I wish I could squeeze an extra 3 hours each day for gym. I was talking to AAR, he's right... At the gym we are disconnected from all this nonsense from our lives. We are there to workout. Absolutely rejuvenating!

I miss going to the gym...

6. I hope I can squeeze in some time for Chapter 2 tonight.
7. I miss meanie.
Bless...
~ShaZ

ShE DiDn'T BiTe mY HeaD oFF...

2010-08-22T17:43:00.002+08:00

Hey Boo,

List of excuses for missing daily posts:

1: life has been pretty hectic these past few days.

2: mixed feeling causes emotional confusion.

3: tension, tension and more tension. Draining effect on my emotional being!

Haha...

Talk about being a spoilt and selfish ~~bitch~~ person.

She didn’t bite my head off (from Friday)

1. I went to see Prof. Nik on Friday. I was in IPS to settle registrations matters and I saw her car, so I figured I’d drop in to say hi... sooner or later I am going to have to see her anyway, so why not now.

2. Sometimes you get carried away... especially when making someone out to be the monster. In this case, on this particular day (I should say), she’s not the monster after all. She was quite nice really. I was and still am happy for this.

I am happy with this!

Bless…

~ShaZ

wRiTe sOmEtHinG iN tHe moRNiNg...

2010-08-19T10:36:00.003+08:00

Hey Boo,

Let’s start today’s post in the morning for a change.

1. Yesterday was almost a complete waste. I made very little progress on Chapter 2. Even though the idea was there, opportunity to sit quietly and calmly in front of my notebook decided to be scarce. How funny life turns out to be sometimes. But it’s okay. Today is another day, and we have decided not to give up. Yet!

2. I dreamt that I met meanie last night. And we had a conversation. I am having mixed feelings about this but I feel good... closure, after all, is not always putting things a box and storing it in the attic... maybe I don’t want to forget. How about that huh?

3. Apparently, the little drama in DOE is not over. Well, it doesn’t concern me much. I am just taking notice because of my private FB invasion earlier. I should go by don’t know don’t care with this one.

4. I am going to Bangkok next week. I plan to spoil myself rotten there. The mission now is to conclude this damned thesis before I fly...

I have many plans to spoil myself rotten!

5. Business seems to be catching up. Which is a good thing because no matter how much I like lazing about at home doing whatever I like, one needs money to get by on this earth. Closed a few deals. Alhamdulillah.

6. I have more friends connected to me virtually than in real life. Is this healthy? Well, I guess it’s because I don’t go out much. I am happy to be finally connected to Ahmad Fairuz, Nellisa Hilman, Aznatasya and Sasha again. How I miss talking with them.

7. I have the mind of a bitch. Every time I start to work (on my thesis especially) and someone or something interrupts me. My mind automatically switches to the “I am a victim in all this” mode. This is selfish, I know it is. I can’t help it. At least by knowing I can refrain myself from acting on it. Silence in this case is best!

8. I feel smothered sometimes. It would not be appropriate to talk about losing freedom because of responsibilities as a father, as a husband, as a son, as a brother and as a student. I know this but I can’t help but miss the times of freedom that I had. Perhaps everyone feels this way. I don’t know. I love my family too much. So it’s fine. It’s an emotional investment that I am considering as profitable. This is contradicting and it doesn’t make sense. But hey... what does?!

Bless...

~ShaZ

BiTs anD PieCeS oF mY ThOuGhTs...

2010-08-18T01:03:00.003+08:00

Dear Boo,

Here we are, another day has passed and still I am overdue...

1. The thing I find most sad is, whilst I am struggling for progress, it’s the ones that I love most that are emotionally tolling me most. This is a selfish statement. I know very well that it is... but it is honestly how I feel. Perhaps they are unintentional but painful and draining nonetheless.

2. I would like to talk about meanie as well. For some reason the meanie issue never seems to be completely flushed out of my system. I am still touched. meanie still occupies my thoughts. How stupid I am. I know this. But still, I refuse to smart up... refuse to man up. Sometimes I think that there may be some truth in meanie’s accusation. Silly me.

3. AAR has been very helpful. More than anyone else now…

4. For reasons that I am unaware of, I find myself preferring silence off late. I guess it is because of the many unreasonable situations and conversations that I’ve had to put up with, I have lost taste altogether for talking. I’d rather be silent. But silence begets crisis for reasons I also don’t comprehend. Ironically, conversations lead to arguments, and arguments leads to silence, and silence as we have established, begets crisis. So I figured, I’d cut down the work and start with silence!

5. Sometimes I feel like running away!

... contemplate running away...

6. It is 1:00am and I am still in UM. Sadly, Chapter 2 is still not behind me. I guess I should make haste for home and continue there.

7. I installed TweetDeck on my PC and iPhone and I like it very much!

8. Drama should not be allowed to run too long. They get out of hand! Some people are better suited for an incubated environment!

9. I think men are beautiful!

10. Facebook, Twitter, Whatsapp and emails keep my face buried on my iPhone.

11. I love everything that is Pink!

Bless…

~ShaZ

NoThiNg gOeS uNBiLLeD...!!!

2010-08-17T01:14:00.000+08:00

Dear Boo,
1. I am going to make it a point to have at least one post here each day... or at least try my best to do so. I feel that I am slowly losing my ability to write... I am not saying that I was or am any good, but at least I am able to put something down in words.

Nothing goes unbilled:

2. AAR make it a point to come back after Ttarawikh to help me with my thesis even though he is obviously very tired but not willing to admit it. I don’t know if I’ll have anyone else do this for me, friend or even family for that matter.

3. Faridah calls every now and then to let me speak with Alia... playing the guilt card. It’s working!

4. I have made progress on Chapter 2. It was choppy and there was no flow before. Thanks to AAR no there’s some direction and I see what I have to do and how I can finish it. My initial problem was that I wanted something I thought to be perfect too much, which made me stuck!

5. I feel sick and irritated by how some people can blow nothing into something out of proportions... I hate that they are counterproductive. Most of all, I hate that for reason unworthy my precious album on FB is being scrutinized and I’ve had to make some things private... I hate that!

6.I had to tip-toe and sneak myself around the department today lest I met my supervisor. My fear was fueled by the fact that I have nothing to say to her. I made promises which I couldn’t keep, or rather didn’t keep. Somewhere in my head I fear that in the end she will not take my thesis. :(

7. “"I know you've somehow lost faith in yourself for a while... but keep on this last mile... I know you can do it!" ~AAR

8. I have stolen this numbered style from Tun Dr. Mahathir and I find it most effective. It’s much easier to channel your ideas in small packets.

9. Tweetdeck is fantastic... I simply love it!

10. I have to start making a list to “to dos” everyday!

11. I shouldn’t sweat the little things. Even though it’s easier to play victim, sometimes it more virtuous to just be the villain!

Bless...

~ShaZ~

TWitEr and FouRsQuaRe...

2010-07-22T08:50:00.001+08:00

Yesterday I joined twitter and foursquare. Now I don't know what to do with them...

*sigh*

2010

2010-01-21T19:40:00.001+08:00

It's week 4 of 2010... So what have I got to show for myself for 2009? Heh??? As I am typing this the first thought that comes to mind is: "huh??? It's 2010 already?"

I guess being too comfortable makes you lose your bearing on time. I have never thought of myself as an achiever... I guess that's why I have never really bothered with much in life. I just go through my routine day after day. And before I know it... Bam... It's 2010.

It's like I've slept through the whole year. No achievements to show for. Darn it.

Well. This is another year. Let's see if this one counts then.

Bless.

ShaZ

Feelings...

2010-01-08T14:49:00.002+08:00

Hey Boo,

It's funny how you constantly remind and force yourself not to care about something... but turn out to care about it anyway... Well, when it comes to matters of the heart and feelings, logic doesn't really apply anymore I guess. But, with my vast and wide experiences a plastic smile is always managed when the situation warrants it. I am not saying that I like giving out plastic smiles nor am I condoning it. It's just that some instances makes it more just to be plastic. Hmmmpphhh. I hate the feeling really. But as people say... "nak jaga hati orang" so I am just going to stomach it.

Bottom line... In this case it is more responsible to be pretentious.

Bles...

~ShaZ

Lesson in life: Know your place!

2010-01-07T03:33:00.001+08:00

Dear Boo,

It's not a new thing but I feel that I need to keep telling myself this again and again. I never seem to learn...

Acceptance it would appear, doesn't come easy with everyone. The worst mistake one could ever make is to accept others as equal one others perceive one as less. Well... I am not alien to being treated such. But it really doesn't make it any less painful. Well, I guess it's God's way of giving me a whiff of my own medicine. Hmmmpphhh. I remember how I used to despise being compared to some effeminate celebrity. Then I realised one thing. I was only angry because I thought myself better than these people. Which was entirely unfair and unjust of me. But I am okay now. I really do understand the feeling. Again, it doesn't make any less painful. You need to keep telling yourself sometimes... that you're not any less of a person just for being yourself. If only those around you were not always such a hypocrite. I shouldn't be angry or spiteful though. Just because I am comfortable with myself doesn't make it right for me to force others to give up their battle to fit in as "normal". Hahaha. Good luck people.

Hang on... Back to the lesson. So, if you sense that you don't belong or fit in... That's probably because you don't! So unless you want to subject yourself or others to some agony... steer clear!

I learnt my lesson. For now at least...
As the saying goes...

"... manja pada yang sayang..."

Btw, this iPhone blogging is really quite convenient. I get to ramble whenever and whereever I want. How's that for technology!!!!

Ok then.

Bless...

~ShaZ

Blogger Lite on iPhone

2010-01-06T15:39:00.001+08:00

Dear Boo,

This is first post on blogger lite. Let's see if blogging on iPhone helps bring you back to life.

ShaZ

SeLaMaT HaRi RaYa...

2009-09-18T12:42:00.004+08:00

Dear Boo,

Selamat Hari Raya to all.

Come what may...

This Ramadhan ends with a pleasant surprise from the Almighty Allah. Faridah is now 7 weeks pregnant. We are expecting another baby. May he or she be healthy and properous always.

We are driving back to Penang today. All those I love will be close to me. How generous life has been. I hope everyone is as fortunate.

SI, thanks for all your support. Happy Birthday again.

Bless...

~ShaZ

posted from my iPhone

nO cOmPRoMiSeS...

2009-09-17T16:16:00.002+08:00

Hey Boo,

It’s always when there is a crisis that I turn to you for comfort… for some sense of release and closure. I guess it’s because you’re the only one that I can completely honest with. No secrets… no regrets… and no charges…

I don’t think it’s fair that I am always given choices… ultimatums… I hate them… especially when it involves people that you so dearly love… how can you choose one from the other? In this case it’s a lose-lose situation for me no matter what the choice. I don’t know. Maybe I attract problems like this. Even though it’s just a matter of compromise on one party for it to be a win-win situation... Why should I give in? Why should I be at the losing end?

In this case… when it comes to family… I will never ever compromise… no matter what the price!
Despite Eid being just around the corner… I feel so alone.

I like Salam’s statement today: “… before we turn to stone”

I can’t help but to wonder whether it’s too late in my case though… whether I have already turn to stone…

Well…

I have shed enough tears over this matter!

Come what may…

Bless…

~ShaZ

nONsEnSe fRoM tHe NiGhT...

2009-09-05T02:46:00.000+08:00

Hey Boo,
I managed to squeeze gym in today's schedule. Thanks to Faridah
working late today. It wasn't a great workout but I managed to break
out some sweat... So I guess it wasn't so bad. Sham wanted me to edit
some of the dates on the invoices that I gave him yesterday. Something
about the accountant wanting the invoice and PO dates to match. Beats
me... As long as I get paid I don't really care what dates he want on
those invoices.
<i>meanie</i> was on IM too today. I am glad that every day this
bothers me less and less. Although there is a little part of me deep
inside that hopes and longs for a hello. Hmmmm. What's past should
stay that way. I doesn't hurt to reminisce though. Even though SI
doesn't agree.
Mr. KAZ seem to think that I should approach <i>meanie</i> and get it
over with. He thinks that I should just let it all go and pretend
nothing happened. Perhaps he's right. Perhaps that might just do the
trick. Or... Perhaps it could make things worse. Perhaps I will be
badly humiliated. Perhaps I will get hurt somemore. Perhaps. Perhaps.
Perhaps. Let it go <s>bitch</s>. It's time to move on.
...
...
Thesis?
Now there's something that should be bothering me... For some reason
it's just lingering. I never could get much progress. Not without
some sort of interuprion that is. Pisses me off really.
You know what else pisses me off? The fact that you can't upload
pictures on blogger using iPhone. Well. At least I don't know how that
is. For now anyways.
Fauzi must be in enjoying Sweden now. I hope all is well for him
there. Even though I don't agree with him wasting six months there I
hope he has a good time and learn a thing or two. Perhaps Faridah is
right. Opportunities like this doesn't come often. But six months is a
long time. But then again who am I to talk about wasting time. I am
spending four years just to finish my damned masters degree. I mean
people caN do two PhDs with that much time.
Sigh.
Well. It's almost 3 AM and 3 G sucks. I'll try and post this.

Bless.

~ShaZ

Sent from my iPhone

sTrEsS...

2009-09-03T17:22:00.003+08:00

Hey Boo,

It’s been a while since I posted anything… aside from pictures and one liners that is.

Life’s been pretty stressful lately. The pressure of completing my thesis is really starting to get to me. That and many other things... Why do I keep stressing myself over trivial things??? ~~Maybe I am just an idiot…~~ Why can’t life be clear and simple?

If one wants to cuddle it should be simple and clear…

Why is there always a need for so much drama in life? The meanie ordeal is still fresh in my mind… meanie still affects my state of mind. Even when meanie logs on IM it bothers me… I keep telling myself it’s all behind me but deep inside I know… it still bothers me.

~~I miss meanie… soo much~~

Bless…

~ShaZ

A GifT fRoM a fReN oF MiNe...

2009-08-29T22:10:00.002+08:00

Dear Boo,
It’s a precious moment to receive a gift from a friend… in this case I got something from a newly acquainted friend…
Thanks Khairul… I love it!

Bless…

~ShaZ

Sent from my iPhone

Blogging on my IPhone

2009-08-21T15:42:00.000+08:00

Hello boo,
I saw the iblogger application. The lite version didn't allow photo posting so I might just go through safari for now. It will be good practice for typing on the keypad. Well, hope I can keep this up.
Wish me luck.

ShaZ

rEmiNiScE

2009-04-13T20:31:00.002+08:00

Hey Boo,
It’s been a difficult month for me. Deadlines and promises really do catch up to you somehow... whether you like it or not. Funny how life has all this surprises installed for you. The things that you least expected sometimes just pops up. Well… I am sure it’d be pretty boring otherwise eh?! Hmmm…
The meanie ordeal is unfortunately still haunting me. Somehow a day is not complete; a blog post is not complete; unless I put meanie into the equation. I don’t understand my obsession to torture myself over this but I just can’t help myself. I have found out that meanie still hates me though. I constantly still ask myself where I went wrong or what I could’ve done differently…
...

MiSeRy...

2009-04-06T16:42:00.004+08:00

Dear Boo,
Terengganu turned out to be very pleasant. It turned out the wedding wasn’t the main event after all. The whole trip... the time in the car, the food adventure, the hotel room, the sleep over at Tok Su’s, and the drive back... was something I really needed. I am glad I went along for the trip. When Aziz called on Saturday asking if we could meet on Sunday I was a little disappointed that we had to leave so quickly. But then again it was like I expect to be disappointed so I wasn’t really bothered too much by it...
That’s how I am taking life day by day for now... I just accept... just do as I am told... just do as per requested...
I know it sounds miserable and all but actually it is quite alright. I mean just saying yes to everything is much easier. I mean if meanie thinks that I am the worst possible being to ever exist on earth; there must be something wrong right? I must’ve been pretty awful right?! So the least I could do is accommodate wherever and whenever possible. Perhaps then I will not be such an awful person to be around... *sigh*
I really don’t understand why I am still clinging to this... it has been months now... there’s plenty to keep my mind busy but somehow I can’t keep it out of my head for more than a day at a time... it is like a malignant cancer that keeps coming back... I really hope that I can just walk away from all this... go to Europe... Mallorca as Salam suggested... but there’s so much things to do... so many commitments...

~~I miss...~~

... memories

This is really becoming an obsession... an obsession to make my life miserable...
Well... at least I have some theories on the problem... we’ll take another day to work on this...
Bless...
~ShaZ

diSTrAcTiOnS

2009-04-02T15:29:00.002+08:00

Hey Boo,
It’s funny how when your mind is busy with work all the pain is taken away. It acts like anesthetics for the aches in your heart I suppose. Honestly, I could really use the distractions. How sick is that? I need someone to distract me from all my distractions… how’s that for being sick in the head eh?!
I will be driving back to Terengganu for a wedding for the weekend. I am looking forward to this particular distraction.
Bless...
~ShaZ

nEw mE pRoJecT... aDDiTiOnS...

2009-04-01T10:57:00.000+08:00

Dear Boo,

Maybe I should focus on losing weight... that’ll take my mind off things for a moment... have been feeling a little heavy lately...

Bless...

~ShaZ

rUnAwAy...

2009-03-31T19:27:00.002+08:00

Dear Boo,

My last post was on the 8th of March... the day after God bestowed me with a lovely baby girl. I have been fairly busy with many things since then. Keeping myself busy on purpose.... lest I go insane. The heart is a fragile thing I have come to learn. It is also stubborn at most of the time I could swear has a mind of its own. I always say We can’t help how we feel... but how we act upon our feelings is who we really are. I don’t believe that God will punish us for how we feel. I mean we don’t decide how and what we feel. We can just react to them... and when it comes to matters of the heart, we tend to act more foolishly.

Sometimes... most of the times lately... I feel that I could just curl up to one corner and vanish into nothingness... that’s it! the end of raja shazrin... ~~one less bitch in this world....~~

why am I trapped?!

Mr. kaz said something to me yesterday... it wasn’t like me to pry... but I did... I couldn’t help it... I asked... about meanie. I regretted it... but I haven’t been able to sleep... I had this nightmare that meanie was staring at me and scolding me... *sobs*

The rule was simple: Manja pada yang Sayang

Easier said than done apparently...

So... what do I do? I run away... as far as I can...

Of chances and what could have been...

Dear meanie,

I know you must really hate me... but I am not a perfect person. There’s many things that I wish I didn’t do. But still I continue learning. Never ever did I mean to do those things to you. I should’ve said before I left... I want you to know... I’ve found out a reason for me. I want to change who I used to be... who I am... a reason to start over... and the reason is you... yes... you...

I am sorry if I hurt you... it’s the most painful thing that I’ve had to live with everyday... and all the pain and ache that I put you through... I’d do anything to take it all away. I’d do anything to make you feel better.

If I were given the chance... I’d show you that I care... a side of me you didn’t know... and a the reason for all that I do... it’s you.

Sometimes... most of the times... I hate myself...

I’d rather look at my back

It’s been a while since I’ve look in the mirror... I don’t think I ever will again...

It’s my fault...

Serves me right...

Bless...

~ShaZ

HiSTorY...

2009-03-07T08:46:00.003+08:00

Dear Boo & MSO,

Today, 7th March 2009 at 8:46am... I became a father to a lovely princess...

I am blessed by God with all the best things in life...

Bless...

~ShaZ

HoNg KoNg bLuEs...

2009-03-04T13:36:00.001+08:00

Hey Boo & MSO,

It’s my fourth day here in Hong Kong and the last time I saw the sun shine was minutes before touchdown in Hong Kong International Airport. It was and is still like the whole place was shrouded with white cloud. Visibility is not so good too. It is so misty and hazy I could barely see past the harbour. Hmmm... the temperature is a nice 18 degrees thought. Cool enough not to make you sweat but warm enough so you don’t have to put on a jacket. I could get used to this...

MSO,

For some reason I can’t get meanie out of my mind. I was lying in bed yesterday and *BAM*... meanie... it was instinctively that I grabbed my P1i and started browsing on memories of meanie... for the first time in five months I am finally able to look at meanie and smile...

I miss meanie...

Then something hadn’t expected happened. I missed my wife... I miss our one sided arguments... I missed being with someone... I miss MSO... I miss SI...

Maybe... just maybe... the loneliness puts out the anger... just like love cancels hate... I don’t know. It’s silly. But like many times before I feel like I am ready to move on again.

One day at a time then ~~bitch~~... way to go ~~bitch~~ boy!

About acceptance and about lying to oneself...

Dear meanie,

If I had another chance to answer... I’d say I don’t know... I’d say I really truly honestly don’t know... I’d say I meant no harm... I meant not any discomfort... I meant not any spite... and I hadn’t meant to care so much. I’d say I was stupid... I’d say I was foolish... I’d say I was selfish... I’d say I unknowingly took advantage... I’d say please don’t hate me... I’d say give me a second chance...

But I didn’t...

I said sorry instead.... I said sorry... I was... I am... but I wasn’t just that... I am not just that... I don’t know anymore... I don’t.

This doesn’t mean anything...

I am sorry... for everything... I am sorry for me... I am sorry for honesty...

Yours,
*X*x*x*X*

That’s it...

Bless...

~ShaZ

sCrEaM

2009-02-28T03:24:00.001+08:00

Hey Boo & MSO,

The past few days have been very hectic. I have been caught up with errands and bills and all things that have got nothing to do with getting my thesis done. Which is sad really; because as it has been in the past, these things that take up much of my time does not really help me much... especially so when it comes to the matter of getting my thesis done. *sigh* I don’t see why I am complaining here now when it is clear that these things that I am complaining about is as a matter of fact a necessity. Ramblings... now there’s a reason.

Today I had lunch with Luqman. I was on the cross trainer when he called asking if I could join him for lunch. I jumped at the invitation as I ~~was~~ am in dire need of some company. For some weird reason the plentiful company that I already have doesn’t suffice. Boy what a bitch I have grown to be... I guess the type of company matters too. This meanie issue also knocks me out of balance. *sigh* You know I haven’t sighed this much in a long time. I guess I am the type to cling and dwell on something. I just can’t seem to let go.

sometimes I feel like screaming...

I don’t know what else to write...

I guess I’ll just quit when I am ahead and say Good night

Bless...

~ShaZ

wHeRe's mY sHouLdEr tO cRy oN?!

2009-02-26T03:07:00.006+08:00

Hey Boo,

Today was a horrible day for me... hangs on... it’s 2 am already... well... yesterday then...

Yesterday was a horrible day for me. I was taught a lesson: no matter how much you tell yourself you’re not going to care, you just can’t help it if you do. You can’t help how you feel... nor can control how your body reacts... or even how you react for that matter.

I thought it’d just be like any other day for me at the Department. I had purposely driven up to the Department because they started implementing the access card system at the parking block. I didn’t see the point of paying RM50 for what few days in the semester we have left. Anyway, as usual I had these little errands that just pops up in the Lab. So I saw to them one by one. It started out as a good day really... aside from the traffic being really bad it wasn’t a bad start at all.

And then there was X... henceforth known as meanie

At the very sight my body started to have this reaction... it was a mixture of stomach butterflies, anger, sadness, shivers and hope all stirred up which resulted into an immediate stiffness of the body which ultimately translates into a blue-red-flushed-faced robot-like-walking lil’ ole’ me... I cursed myself afterward for having behaved like that; even though it wasn’t voluntary at all.
So that was the end of what might have turned out to be a good day. I was forcibly switched into zombie mode. Well, I kept busy all day to distract myself. I had no one to turn to... no one to talk to... no shoulder to cry on...

... where’s my shoulder to cry on?!

Then came MSO... my sweet dear MSO... well I did see SI first. But SI made it clear he’d have none of this nonsense from me for ~~someone~~ something so ~~f0ckingly~~ worthless. So MSO is basically my symbol of hope when it comes to emotional blunders. MSO would say ”... do it for me...” and for some reason I found it easier to focus and cling on to something for MSO than for me... I can’t do it for me... I don’t know why... or maybe I do... I guess maybe I am just not worth it to me... Yeah... that’s probably the reason...

OMG it’s 3 am already... I should go to bed... got an appointment with Nora tomorrow... my new PT.

Maybe I can hope for a better day tomorrow. Oh dear God give me strength...

Bless...

~ShaZ

iNsPiRaTioN...

2009-02-25T01:44:00.002+08:00

MSO has inspired me to write again... dear sweet MSO...

wHy oH wHy?

2009-02-25T01:38:00.003+08:00

Hey Boo,

Today turned out quite well for me... I managed to haul myself to the gym and managed to get some work done afterward...

I met my Personal Trainer to be... Nora... she’s young but easy to get along with... they all are actually... but I am going to give it a go anyways... I really do need to lose those pounds... today I weighed 86kgs! Or at least that’s what the scale shows. Much work to be done... enough said.

much much much work to be done...

...

...

...

Hmmmm...

...

You know something Boo...?!

These past few days I can’t get my mind of X... everything I see that reminds me of X stresses me out... as if the thought of X drains me of my energy. I know it’s happening... but I just don’t know why...

Why me?

Why now?

Why ever?

Why does it affect me so?

I am doing that talking to myself thing again Boo... I was telling myself yesterday how stupid I was for letting this happen... for thinking too much of it... of X... this is wrong... so wrong... I should stop!

...

Damn I could use a venti hazelnut hot chocolate now... damn X...

Why? Why? Why? Oh why do I feel like I don’t want to be free from X...

Maybe it’s the damned I care problem...

I should stop... ~~yeah you probably should bitch...~~

Bless...

~ShaZ

PiCKinG uP wHeRe yOu LeFt oFF...

2009-02-22T19:08:00.002+08:00

Hey Boo,

Picking up where you left off is not so easy... especially with blogging... you just don’t keep the pace if you don’t practice. I remember that I used to be able to cough out a post every single day... and I just wrote about nothing... about everything... but now... it’s just becoming more and more difficult... but some people say that old habits die hard... so I guess I’ll cling on to that. After all it just requires practice.

You know what..?! This is exactly how it is with my thesis as well... you know when I get started it becomes easier... but getting started... well... getting started is always a bitch...

And the bitch gets bigger and bigger each day... and before you realise it you’re already in ~~deep shit~~ trouble! You wake up feeling confused and angry; and stupid; and all things not nice.

Damn it! Where did I go wrong?! Why had I left writing my thesis pending too long... why didn’t I prioritise? Why? Why? Why?

*sigh*

So...

My baby is coming... Faridah is due next month. The doctor says it will be some time around 14th March; but her feet is often swollen and stuff which is a sign that it is close I was told; so I guess we could expect anything at this point in time. Well... at least the shopping part is done and over. So as far as requisites in terms of supplies I am somewhat ready. Although I need to get the baby cot out of the storeroom so I could air out the thing... mentally I am taking this one day at a time... excited... but one day at a time I keep telling myself. I am still trying to get used to husband-hood and now I have to get into father-hood pulak... one day at a time...

Well... on another note. She’s still nagging me every day to get our own place... I don’t understand why is it so difficult for her to understand my situation... or her refusal to understand. I guess when I told her to dream on she thought I was kidding... but I don’t understand why and don’t know how much more I could actually take... much more I suppose... but sometimes... I ask myself “what did I ever do to have to (take it)”... I shouldn’t say anymore... *sigh*

Bless...

~ShaZ

FaCeBooK

2009-02-21T18:56:00.001+08:00

Hey Boo,

I have just added this blog to the notes function on FB... Evidently all my posts will appear on my profile on FB... the import was smooth and easy... all I had to do was key in the URL and all my previous posts were imported onto the notes function... easy peasy... the only thing is... do I really want this much exposure...?! Another point worth mentioning is: there is NO undo function! Haha...

So, the first thing that comes to mind was: OMG, there goes my privacy...

Then, I thought: Who the hell will bother with my lengthy and boring posts..?!

No one... that’s who... so all in all I guess it’s not that bad.

... relieved...

Maybe this will give me some motivation to pick up blogging again... I also need to look into recovering my old posts lost to that WordPress ordeal...

Bless...

~ShaZ

nEw mE pRoJecT!!!

2009-01-21T12:38:00.005+08:00

Hey boo,

I hereby launch the NEW ME PROJECT...!

Current status...

and the target...

hehe

I know... I know.... but one can dream...

Bless...

~ShaZ

yOu GiVe aNd hUrT!

2008-11-14T16:27:00.001+08:00

Hey Boo,

History has a funny way of repeating itself... the players are different, the plot may be a bit different... but in the end the whole story line is just the SAME!!! Well... this bitch just doesn’t seem to learn. That’s my problem... I get attached to quickly... far too quickly for many. I guess it’s like putting a relationship on steroids lah I guess... it will flourish at first but after that just thwart and die... or worst still, jump back up all mutated and bites you right in the ASS or stab you in the neck!

So this is my story...

I have this funny habit of getting attached to people... especially those I am stuck with for long periods of time. Most of the time I try to keep to myself but at times you just give way... what the heck... you say... then you start to care! This is the biggest mistake! Don’t care! Never ever care! If you don’t care you don’t get hurt. It’s simple really... doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out... but saying it is one thing. Most of the time you heart is too stupid to know better... and you care... for the love of god you care...

then there’s this other problem...

when you care... you give... you give with all your heart. You share thoughts. You give and give and give... but sometimes, what you give is misunderstood... misinterpreted... you are accused of this horrible horrible horrible HORRIBLE thing... and it is entirely untrue. Which is why is hurts... and because you care, it hurts so much more.

So much much more.

This is the second time in the past two months this has happened... perhaps it is not them... perhaps it is ME... I don’t know... but logic tells you that everyone else cannot be wrong.
Still it hurts!

Damn right it hurts!

And it gets worse... yes it really does!

When I look back... all those things I did... those things I gave... they were all WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! So wrong in so many ways...
So now I have to let go... no matter how painful it is... I am working hard... to let go... to forget!

This probably means nothing to all of you out there... but to me it’s a lesson... a very important one.

Beri pada yang minta...
Manja pada yang saying...
Minta pada yang ada...

Bless...

ShaZ

NuMa NuMa

2008-10-08T14:05:00.002+08:00

Hey Boo,

something to cheer us up...

a NeW dAy hAs cOmE...

2008-09-24T16:52:00.005+08:00

Boo,

It's been a while since I have posted anything... a whole lot has happened... I guess that ordeal with WordPress put me off... such a let down... two years worth of posts... all down the drain. In a way I guess it's like being able to erase those time from my memories. Although not all were bad. In fact, looking back now... I haven't much to complain for... not much at all.

So...

Updates...

Well... let's start from November 07'

I got engaged on the 11th November 2007. A few weeks after the loss of my late brother in law to liver cancer.

I quit UM at the end of March 2008 and joined Solution Engineering Sdn Bhd in April 2008... after a month I decided it wasn't the job for me and I left to rejoin UM as Prof. Nik's research assistant. After a month.... I decided that wasn't for me (yep... again!) ~~what a bitch I turned out to be~~ ... and now here I am... unemployed... but I am happy... and fat... but that's another issue.

My thesis... now that's an issue... ~~yeah bitch!!!~~
Well... since then... I have made progress... not............!!!!! How do I put it... I am not more now than I was right after I graduated... aside from being fat and older...

Well... I guess life has a funny way of progressing...

I guess this is a good start towards a new beginning... may there be many many many posts to come...

In the meantime... gawk at this...

Amen...

ShaZ

Back here?!

2008-06-16T09:44:00.002+08:00

Hey boo,

At this point I can say I've finally given up on reviving my previous Wordpress blog. It's just useless... I know I'd just be attacked by some spambot again. I hate the fact that I'd be losing about a year's worth of posts. But losing a year is better than losing everything I guess.

Bless...

I've MoVeD...

2006-12-17T15:23:00.000+08:00

Hey all,
I know it's a little late to be announcing... but I've moved my blog HERE

cOuRtiNg diSasTeR...

2006-09-06T18:32:00.000+08:00

Hey boo,
I just know I am courting disaster at work by taking up too many things... well, actually it's not too many but with my lack of progress anything more can't be a good thing... but I am thinking 'some people work better under pressure' and I figured a little more could give me that little pressure I need... to get some action finally...
So, I enrolled myself on an online Masters level course from DTU (Netherlands) on Environmental Management... Today was my first day, having an online class... quite the experience... this is how my classroom looks like.

the class left for lunch and I need something to eat too... you can see the lecturer there...
Gosh I have so much to b*tch about lately... but so little time to do it...
maybe tomorrow... hehehe
Bless...

SiCk...

2006-08-21T19:21:00.000+08:00

Hey boo...
today I got my very first medical leave (mc) from my doctor... I've never taken sick leave ever... and that tradition didn't break... to my stubbornness, I stayed in UM the whole day... ~~f*ck was it a bad idea...~~
Now, I've swallowed tonnes of pills, nauseated, hungry (but cannot eat), and bloody feverish... hope i make it home tonight in one piece... ameen...
bless all of you...
~ShaZ

a GifT fRoM a FrEn...

2006-08-12T14:33:00.000+08:00

Thanx Salam...
here we go...a lil' promo for you...

wtf...?!

2006-08-10T14:12:00.000+08:00

Was doing my thing when I came accross this... WTF?!
Under Construction writes about how you can get in trouble with yer bloggies...
you can't shit without getting in trouble eh?!
heh...?! how's that for anti-establishment... *wink*

wtf...?!

2006-08-10T12:16:00.000+08:00

After walking in the dreadful heat from Dewan Tunku Canselor... I can still smile... I was in charge of calling out the names of graduates from the Chemical Engineering Dept.... heh...

so... baby hippo or baby cow?!!! ~~calf u idiot~~

TeN miSeRabLe dAyS iNtO 25...

2006-08-10T11:29:00.000+08:00

So it really has been ten miserable days into my twenty-fifth year on earth and I am still clueless... still getting daily lectures from this reflection of me saying "... where the ~~fuck~~ do you think you are going?!.... hey guess what, it's a new year and you're still a bitch... geez man you FAT..." and every now and then "... ~~fuck you~~ dang you, make yourself useful why don't... go screw some gurls or something..." and if I get really lucky "FUCK OFF!!!"
Actually, reflecting my current situation (to others) I haven't much to complain about... ~~there you go bicth... contradict yourself...~~ I am quite comfortable here in UM... getting my monthly paycheck on the 23rd of every month, lecturing one to two hours four days a week, and watering the assortment of cacti that is my collection every Wednesdays. ~~Heh!?~~
Ramblings aside...
updates are called for...

aBouT mE...

2006-07-13T14:54:00.000+08:00

Tagged by Bill/Will. Lets see, ahems......... here we go

10 YEARS AGO I WAS :
a virgin;
just registered to this HellHole called Sekolah Menengah Sultan Abdul Samad after being abroad for a few years. Joining the Malaysian education system straight into Form 3 is not recommended. There’re subjects like BM, Geog, History, and Islamic Religion that are totally alien subjects to me… I was placed in a ‘bad’ class… had a feel of what it’s like in a delinquent class…
fat and I weighted more than 90 kgs at that time.

5 YEARS AGO I WAS :
still a virgin;
19 years old…

1 YEAR AGO I WAS :
still a virgin;
still 19 years old…;
CEO of a company; Living in a luxury condo on Gurney Drive, Penang;
never thinking about my spendings;
fit… ~~shit what am I doing here now?!~~

YESTERDAY I WAS :
working in my office until almost 10 pm…;
laid… yeah, like that’ll ever happen here…;
writing my research project progress report for the HR office to extend my work contract;
blogging.

5 MOST RECENT SONGS I LISTENED TO :
May It Be - Enya
Jezebel - Sade
No Scrub - TLC
Hips Don’t Lie - Shakira
Falling in to you – Celine Dion

5 SONGS I KNOW ALL THE WORDS TO :
Don’t Speak – No Doubt
errmm….
Hmmm…
Baa Baa Black Sheep
Twnikle Twinkle Little Star…
this is hard… and pathetic…

IDEAL PLACES FOR RUNNING AWAY TO :
HOME
HOME
HOME

5 THINGS I REALLY WANT :
My Masters Degree
A new notebook…
A raise -stole this from Will
a set of ½” tubular membrane set for MWCO of 50k, 100k, 150k and 200k
I want my 32” waist again…

5 THINGS I SHOULD BE DOING RIGHT NOW :
Running my experiments;
Writing my report;
Reading the ten thousand journal papers on my desk;
Drinking coffee;
I am going to say drinking coffee again.

5 BIGGEST JOYS IN MY LIFE :
Family
Friends
my PS2
Family…
errr Family…!!!

5 PEOPLE I TAG :
I don’t think that many people come here… anyways I tag:
FaRaH
Sleepin Beauty
Yenshiong
NeLLe
AmaT tue kutuk!!! coz I have noone else

Performancing...?!

2006-07-12T21:18:00.000+08:00

Hey Boo...
So today I was doing some housekeeping for my PC and found some nice extensions for Firefox... Performancing... helps you post onto your blogs... I think it's cool...
We'll try more tomorrow okay... Bless...
~ShaZ

mY LiFe

2006-07-01T14:49:00.000+08:00

Hey boo,

I’ve been really tired lately… investing most of my life into work and education. I leave home at seven in the morning everyday and I don’t come back until after 8 pm. It seems that the more I put in, the more things come up… what’s worse is all these things are little donkey errands that no one wants. The kind of work that nobody cares to appreciate… and being the junior staff makes me the default candidate for these things.

Then there’s also my research work… which is stagnant by the way; and it’s my entire damned fault because I don’t have the freakin’ heart to say “… this is not in my f*&king job description… so go &*%$ yourself!”
So I guess I was fated to run errands… I really shouldn’t say more…

Getting down on work… what do you do when going home at 8 pm everyday is not enough to get work done?
disconnect the damn computer at the office and lug the blasted thing home…

So… back to work then…

Bless…
~ShaZ

QueAsY

2006-06-03T17:37:00.000+08:00

Hey boo…
I’ve had 3 cups of coffee, a cup of Milo and a cup earl grey… and I am feeling a bit queasy from reading too many articles from Science Direct so I thought I’d check in for a quick post…
Yesterday was my first meet with our new Vice Chancellor… Datuk Rafiah Salim… she delivered the officiating speech for UM Graduate Month 2006 and I was quite impressed. I like her speech.
Oh dear… I guess queasiness is getting to me… so I’ll stop here…
Bless…
~ShaZ

NiCe sOnG

2006-05-22T23:58:00.000+08:00

Hey boo,
I’ve a new addiction… this is a beautiful song.

aBouT noThiNg aT aLL...

2006-05-22T20:29:00.000+08:00

Hey boo,
Forgive the lack of updates, this time it is deliberate… for some time now I’ve noticed that if I post too often I tend to write too much… so much so that I might reveal more than is appropriate… don’t get me wrong, I am all for the ‘open book’ lifestyle and all but sometimes there are issues or secrets that doesn’t belong to us; thus making it inappropriate to write somewhere everyone can read… I can see that like most bloggers I am being vague… but then hey… that’s the way it ought to be… :)
So to post on my current activities…
I should say that last week was rather productive. What with a research assistant by my side, courtesy of NMS, there have been some progress in my research… finally… aside from revamping one of our membrane dedicated laboratory, the RA, Fauzi, is also helping with my research work… for the past week he’s been helping me with the compiling of literature thereby marking the infant steps of progress in my research project. I’ve also managed to set aside a few documentation tasks assigned by the Head leaving me just a little more on the IChemE accreditation form… I should say that this will be behind me soon enough…
The students’ exam result is finally released today… my worry is that with the number of failures for my subject I’d be marked as the ‘killer’ staffs in the Department. God only knows how much I’ve tried to help but the subject proves to be rather difficult for a large chunk of my class… now I know for a fact that the last thing a lecturer wants is for a student to fail his or her subject… oh well… I guess all will turn out well. Life has a way of being like that most of the time… I mean I graduated fine now, didn’t I?!
This post must have taken a wrong turn somewhere… I don’t know what else to write…
Bless…
~ShaZ

tHe pAsT tWo WeeKs...!!!

2006-05-14T12:32:00.000+08:00

Hey Boo,
It’s been two weeks since my last post… flowers have bloomed, Vice Chancellors have changed (the University of Malaya have had the honor… ~~or not… we’ll see~~)… and I have gained weight… *sigh* I feel like 200 kilos of lard… been eating like there’s no tomorrow…
So what do I choose to post about the past few weeks…

About bitches and shopping carts :
I was at Giants in Taman Connaught last weekend, Saturday afternoon, to do some grocery shopping and boy was the place crowded… I didn’t mind the crowd too much but it’s the attitude of the crowd that pissed me off a little. Well, for starters, there’s a big crowd… so you’d expect the place to be cramped with mothers and kids staring at aisles and aisles of stuff to buy… but what you don’t expect is their leaving their shopping carts all over the place while they stare down at whether they should get the curry flavored Maggi mee or curry flavored Mammee mee… I mean, if you see someone trying their best to maneuver their shopping carts to pass through, you’d feel some obligation to move your ~~f8cking~~ cart an inch or two to make way right?!!... but no… they’d rather take their sweet ~~f8cking~~ time and let the other person wait creating a shopping cart jam behind him… I was SOOO tempted to yell out “hey bitch!!! Move you big fat ~~f8cking~~ cart!!!” I mean get that ~~f8cking~~ mee and move… so okay, after a long and agonizing wait she finally decides to move her damn cart without the slightest feeling of remorse and the crowd behind me finally manage to move on… after a challenging maneuver that would leave the US Air Force in awe, passing through a bunch of male foreign workers holding hands and two teenage couples that had trouble walking because they were walking so close together it looked like they were Siamese twins fused at their asses… theirs this you couple and their baby in the cart so conveniently placed across the aisle so no one could pass while mommy decides whether to get daddy the green or blue briefs… the wait starts again… I mean if we say “excuse me…” I am sure we’d get one of those “Tak reti nak sabar ker..?” or the “Takleh tunggu sekejap ker..?” from these kinds of people… I mean, hello… you ingat bapak you punye shopping mall ker… from that I can conclude, people park their carts as recklessly as they do their cars… so they should have some mall police writing tickets to these SOBs… phewwwsss… that’s that then…

About OTO Big Foot: reflexology foot massager :
So we’ve had this thing lying in the house for a few weeks now… everyone seems to love sticking their feet into the two holes on top of this thing and relax while it massages your two sore feet for ten minutes or so… but not me… no sir…
So, last Friday night I decided to try again, after I’ve had some discomfort trying it the last time… I mean I paid over two thousand Ringgit for the thing, I was thinking that I should get at least some pleasure from it right… so I stuck my feet in and started the machine… it felt quite good at first… then it started to hurt at the ball of my feet… not too much though so I figure it’s the machine doing its thing… so at the end of the program I took my feet out, blood circulation improved and all *wink* with a bonus blister on both the ball of my feet… ouch… I yelped when I stood up putting some pressure on my feet… so for the past two days, I’ve been walking like I am wearing an invisible high heeled shoes… conclusion… no Big Foot for me…my feet are too thick I think… so the pressure is too much… I mean everyone else don’t get the problem so I must be me… *sigh*

About eating too much :
Meeting = Food

Chemical Engineering Undergraduate Research Day 2006 = Food X3 = coffee breakX2 + Lunch

3 day Workshop in PD = Food X18 = (b’fast + coffee breakX3 + lunch + dinner + supper) X3 days

So I’ve been eating too much…

Ok for now…
Bless…
~ShaZ

I aM SoOoO noT mUsiCaL...!!!

2006-05-03T00:33:00.000+08:00

Hey boo,
I was helping a blogger friend get some music on her blog when I got this idea… what if I did something really stupid today?! Like sing and post it… well I did… and here it is…

I think that's quite enough... I am no singer… so don’t criticize okay… I didn’t know what to sing at first… err… I still don’t actually… in case you were wondering, that was actually Don’t Speak… hehe
I think it’d be nice to be able to speak out some of my future posts… that way I can be more expressive rite?! Hmmm… oh well…
Bless…
~ShaZ

Bitch...!!!

2006-04-28T19:03:00.000+08:00

Hey Boo,
I guess the scariest thing is being different… especially when one is beginning to get comfortable with his environment. I don’t know what made me think this; but it hit me real bad when a friend of my mom, let’s call her Big Mouthed Bitch in the middle of a conversation during dinner last nite…
… bakpe gureed ngak tu… sayang jer… right to my face… I mean what the fuck right?! I was sitting across of her for God’s sake… curses to the Big Mouthed Bitch
I haven’t had such a slap in the face for a while now… it’s not like I go all out to get attention or anything like that… so why be fucking rude and say it to my face right?! Like it’s any of her business in the first place… I mean sheesh…
It’s probably a bad move to keep writing about this… I mean, there’s just no point… like I said earlier… I will not be depressed over these things. Besides, I am doing my share to society, I’d like to think I am a good son, and I am sure as hell a nice person… so I won’t let anyone let me think otherwise…
I’ll stop for now…
Bless…
~ShaZ

WeLcOmE bAcK

2006-04-18T20:22:00.000+08:00

I was discussing about life and choices with Professor Nik on the way back from Kmpung Baru today. Traffic was quite heavy so we had a good thirty minutes before we arrived at UM. She has some good views to life and I can’t help but feel that somehow she understands me… to an extent anyways.
… people often fail to recognize the most valuable gift God has given us… choice... NMS
Some people just don’t understand the choices that I make… the paths I choose to walk. Perhaps people have different perceptions, or perhaps they don’t see what I see and want what I want… to me the peace that I have found is the most valuable thing and the best choice that I have made in my life thus far… I am not about to leave; to go abroad… not for the glamour. It wouldn’t be right. The consequences would be dire… I am sure of it. So I am sticking to the original plan… complete my MEngSc and PhD in Malaysia… in UM… that’s that then…
Sorry for the vague posts lately… I’ll be posting some pictures of the cacti that I got from Cameron Highlands…
Bless…
~ShaZ

a NeW bEgiNniNg....

2006-04-01T18:03:00.000+08:00

Hey boo…
One week since my last update… enough said, I am lazy… and depressed, and bitchy… well, maybe not bitchy, but almost…
So last weekend was ~~fuckin’ wasted~~ spent at Cameron Highlands… a workshop to improve research at the Department… yeah right… *wink*
All in all, I would say it was alright… enough said… ~~I refuse to bitch about it!!!~~ maybe I’ll post some pictures later… I wasn’t in charge of the camera so don’t expect anything worth looking at… all offence directed to the cameraman…
The week wasn’t to good too… many many losses…
The W click lost their ~~hangout~~ study place….
Let’s just say it’s become awfully silent after their gone… again enough said…
Let’s just start fresh… a new beginning…

About new beginnings
Fairuz: “… in two years…”
ShaZ: ~~“… bring it on…”~~ err… *looking all confused*

About Peace
“… I’ve found peace… it bothers me only because I let it… the choice is mine…”
“I choose PEACE!”

Bless…
~ShaZ

SpAsTiC...!!!

2006-03-24T00:44:00.000+08:00

Hey boo,
I am not depressed anymore…
Acting all spastic really helps… went all silly one evening playing Frisbee and sitting on the road… heh…
This will be a short post so I hope the pictures are self explanatory…
Bottom line… me happy again!!!
Will be in Cameron Highlands for the weekend, so miss me okay…

The Frisbee team…

Me upside down…

Yes… we are on the road…

Mind the quality of the pictures… it was dusk…

Bless…
~ShaZ

ReaLiZaTioN... hUrTs...

2006-03-19T00:59:00.000+08:00

“Don’t make someone a priority if that person makes you an option”

I saw this on a friend’s MSN Messenger personal message… the timing was for lack of a better word… impeccable… I’ve been feeling like a pile of shit these past few days that even baking three dozens of chocolate muffins didn’t help… sometimes I just can’t help but feel that I get attached to thing rather to hastily and interpret gestures rather too emotionally… a flaw in my character… a flaw that always leaves me depressed and lonely… a smart friend of mine told me “… the internet doesn’t capture your true feelings… people can misinterpret…” and I am getting the first hand taste of how bitter misinterpretation can be… I realized a long long time ago how selfish and self-centered I could be… how I try to make things about me… how I don’t listen… and how I give away my trust and love so eagerly… only to selfishly expect trust and love in return… how insincerity and stupidity have crept into my heart…

If I know all this… why do I still complain?

… because it hurts… it hurts like hell… I’ve always felt that some that smiles and cannot be sincere about it is a very unlucky person… and Lord knows I try to be sincere…
*sigh*

A list:
How Stupid I Can Be…
A simple ‘Hello’ on IM would make me so happy;
A ‘Hey’ on IM returned with just another ‘Hey’ hurts me;
.
.
.

… this is too painful… I’ll stop here…

Bless…
~ShaZ

mY FiRsT pOsT oN FooD!!!

2006-03-16T22:36:00.000+08:00

Hello boo…
It’s almost a week since my last post… this can’t be good… I am getting lazy to post again… *sigh*
Life’s been rather hectic for me lately… even though I try my best to slack off every chance I get… and it’s quite often mind you… *wink* I’ve missed all my language classes this week… simply because I am occupied with work and I am too lazy too walk all the way to linguistics… it’s a pain I tell you… especially in the hot sun…
On Wednesday, I was really not in the mood for work… I guess some of my friends were on the same wavelength as well because a little after lunch we all ended up at MidValley… shoe shopping… well I wanted to get shoes anyway, but ended up with a nice mug from Starbucks…
Had a piece of cake at Strudels too… since everyone is into posting about food, I thought I’d give one go… this is my first picture of the cheese curl cake… recommended to all that can afford the calories ~~and fat ass pigs who don’t give a damn like myself~~

It’s kinda late now… I’ll post more later…
Bless…
~ShaZ

i MiSs yOu...

2006-03-12T01:41:00.000+08:00

Never expected this weekend to turn out quite the way it did… I left the paperwork I was supposed to take home at the office… and I can’t tell whether that was deliberate or an accident… part of me is just crying out for a break I guess… from everything proper and things that needed to be done… right things… responsibilities… commitments… I think I need just some time away from that… maybe I am just whining… I shouldn’t whine… not when there are others with issues more significant than mere discomforts and uncertainties… but my heart still cries out…
In the past two days I’ve been chatting with a fellow blogger… one whose blog I frequent… and I’ve had a few revelations… the most part of it was me listening to him… trying to grasp his frustration in a relationship he thinks unanswered… but I am not going to talk about that… I am going to talk about my feelings… this mixed emotions that I am getting… I guess this was bound to happen… that feeling of not progressing… being left behind... it started again after the reunion in Kajang… I was looking at everyone and I was sincerely happy for them… whilst I was bombarded with work at the office and missing classes I so wanted to attend… so what does this have to do with the other guy…?! Well… even though I appear to be helping him get along a cope with his frustrations, my soul is actually begging for his friendship… I know that doesn’t make sense and sounds so gay… but it’s not… sometimes we just kept the silence while I stare at the monitor… even the presence was enough for me… I felt that it helped ease my pain… I can’t call it loneliness because I am not alone… but it sure feels like it… I miss someone but I don’t know who… and it hurts… it really hurts… and I am confused…
And I am not crazy…
This hurts too much… and I don’t know what to say…
For all that is Holy, bless all…
~ShaZ

PiCs

2006-03-10T21:00:00.000+08:00

looking forward to post some pictures....
abducted the camera from the office :P

sCaRy...

2006-03-04T19:59:00.000+08:00

Hello boo…
It’s been a while eh?! Life’s just getting so hectic nowadays… it’s not fun to run around anymore… I used to run around for classes to attend… now I am running around for classes to attend, classes to teach, meetings to attend, deadlines to meet and even friends to meet… yeah, I have to steal time to meet friends…
Considering the lat update here was Thursday last week, the traffics seems to still be okay… by my standards where two or three readers that leaves comments is okay… anyways, most of the readership here comes from friends that I personally know, and a few that I have become quite fond of on the net… but that’s not what we’re going to talk about here today… today’s topic is somewhat more supernatural…
I have been targeting and telling myself that I’d get all my work done, and make sure the to-do-list in my office reduces to zero or at least to one or two… so I have been staying back every single day of the week… I stayed until 3:30 am on Monday, 10 pm on Tuesday, 8ish and 9ish for the rest of the week… but something happened on Thursday that is out of the ordinary…
I usually prefer not stay alone, but I was quite alright staying back this week because there were a few students studying in the discussion room across of my office… that day I saw some bags there so I assumed there’d be some studying there… so I called home and told them to pick me up at 9 pm…
So I was alone the whole time because I found out later the students didn’t turn up until about 10 that night… well... back to the story… I was preparing a course module presentation on Air Pollution Impacts on Health for MTech (masters of Technology) students for Prof. Nik that night… it was more quiet than usual… I noticed that much…
A little before 9 pm, my office phone rang… and I picked up… there was this squeaky sound and a whisper saying something like “muuuuuu waaakkkkk meendeeee tuuuuuu…” it was so scary… I couldn’t tell who it was… and I don’t think it’s anyone from my family because the person or thing had Terengganu accent… it was damn freaky… I hung up… then it rang again… this time there was just some tapping background noise… I was freaked… I was like “Hello…? Hello…?” and I hung up… well… not really supernatural yet… because it could have been some stupid ass who found out my telephone number trying to scare me… and had a Terengannu dialect (as do I mind you) … but personally, I had a bad feeling… like it wasn’t human… but I am not thinking too much about it… or I’ll be too scared to go to work… but no one in my family has my office number, and my friends don’t have that dialect… so that freaks me a little…
Oh well… that’s that…
Bless…
~ShaZ

woRk... wOoT?!...

2006-03-02T07:50:00.000+08:00

Hey boo,
I’ve been up since a quarter to six… or rather Es siete menos cuarto por la mañana in españa… hehe just learnt that on Tuesday…
I have been like super duper busy this week… remember I said that work has a way of sneaking up on you ~~and it will butfuck you to kingdom come if it catches up~~… well, now I am really sure of it… I’ve been attempting to get rid of all my outstanding assignments and it is one hell of a task. On Monday, I was working all day staying at the office until half past three in the morning. I was able to make some progress, getting started on the brochure design, finishing up the IPPP Research Bulletin, and manage to tidy up my office a little… Monday morning was totally wasted in UKM attending the wastewater seminar by Merck… I shouldn’t have gone… anyways, I managed to convince Dr. Ngoh to leave during lunch because I had French class at two… so we did… I arrived just on time… well, actually I was late but Mon Professeur was even tardier than I am *wink*… so Monday was action packed… well, bore-packed is more like it… no one wanted to come pick me up because it was like super late… so I got my ever faithful student Fairus to send me back…
I would’ve stayed longer on Monday if it weren’t for the presentations by the first year students that I have to attend… and assess… I think they were rather okay… *sigh* I have to assess the third year students’ presentation today… it’s a wonder how the lecturers go through this year after year… but it’s not that bad really, I mean it’s just a few days after all… anyways… I worked until half past ten or Es diez y media por la noche hehe… I know it’s irritating… will stop doing that… but practice make a better speaker… I couldn’t stay too late on Tuesday because I had an eight o’clock Separation tutorial on Wednesday… I was so tired… in fact I don’t quite remember what I did in class… I hoped the student didn’t notice the hangover-like tutor they had for the day… then it’s back to work…
Up till now, I can proudly say I’ve managed to clear off some of the ‘to do list’ on the bard in my office or at least change them to ‘follow up’ status… and that makes me happy…
So I guess I’d be able to go back to my usual blogging schedule… and not blog at weird times like 6 am anymore…
Bless all…
~ShaZ

aNoTheR dAy oF NoThiNgNeSS

2006-02-24T17:19:00.000+08:00

Hey boo…
It’s one of those days again… all of a sudden someone or some greater power opens a gate and work pours on you… I’ve sat in front of the computer all day and I think I’ve made like 20% progress only… and no, it’s not because of the chats, and other things… in fact I am timing myself for this post... Just five minutes… for forgive the choppiness and the bore I put you through…
I finally managed to attend my German class… after missing so many classes the only thing I remembered is Guten Tag! And I think my lecturer knew that so she didn’t make me answer any questions at all… but I felt so loss… looking at the overall schedule it doesn’t seem like I’ve missed much as they’re only entering the word gender and the das, die and der… not that I know what those words mean… but I will catch up…
So I’ll try to post something tonight… maybe even add some German into it… hehehe… practicing a language makes a better speaker… hehehe…
So my five minutes is up…
Bless…
~ShaZ

FeeLiNg beTTeR

2006-02-22T11:16:00.000+08:00

Hey boo,
I should tell you that I am feeling better. I am so glad that episode didn’t progress for the worse. I am still a little sore but at least I know I am getting better.
I was stuck at a workshop the whole day yesterday and then attended my Spanish class after missing classes for so long… so that practically covers the whole day… miserable huh?! Well, if you think it sounds miserable imagine how I must feel. Anyways, I think the workshop was alright all in all… the Danes and Dutch are well versed and seem to be competent enough on the topic of Project Oriented Problem Based Learning (POPBL). I should say there’s enough boredom to last you a century in case you were wondering.
Later I had a little chat with MiKeL via Skype… well, I you call four hours little… he’s revamping his blog-site… and I was lucky enough to see the progress of his design… better not say more…
Err… I remember I wanted to blog about something but I can’t remember what… I’ll stop here for now… until I remember…
Gosh this post is meaningless…
Bless…
~ShaZ

I MisS mY DiCk… sO I tOOk hEaD VIAGRA!

2006-02-20T15:11:00.000+08:00

Hey boo,
How you been?! I’ve been like really sick… yeah, neck strain from the devil himself… I haven’t seen my dick in a week because of this fucking pain in my neck… and here’s my story… hehehe
So the past few weeks have been like super duper busy for me right?! Well, you can tell from the lack of posts on my boo boo here… I’ve had to stay at the hospital, and then there’s the hell week of workload that finally caught up with me ~~and starting to butfuck me to kingdom come~~and finally bit me in the ass… I’ve had overdue work listing from 1 – 10 on my whiteboard… I’ve missed two weeks worth of language classes, I’ve had to accompany students to factories, review some papers, start on another annual report… and the list goes on and on… and then there’s the 4 day workshop that I’ve had to attend on Thursday, Friday, today and tomorrow. I am so screwing today though… we’ll see if we have time to write about that later… so about missing my dick yeah…
Well, sometime last Monday I started to develop a sore in the back of my neck… as any other person, I assumed it was just a bad nights sleeping position… so I worked on day after day in front of my PC typing, reading and also on my desk… doing it more and more… I just wanted to get the work out of the way so I could start lab work in peace… but that’s not going to happen… oh and MikeL was getting addictive too, and that didn’t help… so it’s work + MikeL chat sessions + bunch of other nonsense now… and my neck just got worse and worse until Wednesday, I couldn’t get up from bed… I just couldn’t roll over… every move send this sharp pain on the left side of my neck… I was struggling for an hour in bed… until it was a little past 7 am when I finally yelled for my sister to yank me out of bed… my god… the pain was excruciating… I was tearing from just trying to roll on my side so my sister could pull my right arm… my left arm was hurting too… not so much, but tugging at it made my neck felt like someone was gnawing at it… I managed to swallow my screamed and got up with a long hiss… trying to swallow the pain as Tanti helped me up… oh well… I was already late for the industrial trip to Ajinomoto… so I got ready and that was that… the bus ride to Ajinomoto didn’t help much too, with my head swaying to from side to side every time the bus braked or hit a bump… it hurt like hell, but I managed to endure most of the pain and still managed to be my usual chirpy self… oh well…
The car ride back home later that day was even worse… my neck was just getting from worse to fucking worse I would say… so I called Dr. Ngoh and told her I wouldn’t be going to Petronas in Kuantan with the students on Thursday… I thought the bus ride would just worsen my neck and decided to go for the POPBL workshop bye MUCED… this was a four day workshop ending tomorrow… I think I mentioned it before… oh well…
So that was another day I guess… but that morning I took me longer to get out of bed… the pain was just getting worse and worse… I started to suspect that it’s more than the usual ‘salah tidur’ or bad posture or sleeping position…
I couldn’t turn my head or bend down… with regard to the title… Thursday was the fourth day of my missing the appearance of my dick… I just couldn’t bend down, my neck was not only sore; it was getting stiff too…

A note from Penis@Dick...

Dear Shaz,
I haven’t seen you in days… where have you been? I feel you are there and I felt you guiding me when I pee but I haven’t seen your face…. I miss you.
Yours,
Your Penis.

Okay… that was totally weird and SO uncalled for… but you get the meaning… it would have asked… but my neck is still sore so what can I say… the class got back a little before midnight from Kuantan though so I am so glad I didn’t go… I would’ve just died from the pain…
So Friday, it wasn’t as hard to get up, but the neck is still sore… I spend the whole day at MUCED for the workshop… it was quite a good workshop I would say… even though Professors can get a little funny at times… but that’s another story…
On Saturday and Sunday it just got worse and worse… Sunday being the worst day of all… I just couldn’t get my head straight… it was slanted to the left… a little at first and then getting so slanted it almost rested on my left shoulder… and boy did it hurt… I was cropping my head with left hand first and they started to get cramps from the fatigue… Some heavy hands I got… I took some painkillers then… but it didn’t help much… I was screaming at some points, and finally it was too much… I think I was starting to cry at one point… I mean I had to sit at an angle to reduce the pressure on my neck, there’s also the pain in my arms from the cropping, and my lower back was starting to hurt from the awkward position… then my mom called an old friend to help… he knew a bit of pressure points or something like that… he came after a short while, and I still kept my manhood and didn’t cry yet… he helped me off the bed and started his treatment… I was screaming and screaming… I guess the painkillers had kicked in because the pain was reducing…
To cut a long story short, I could say that he fixed me up a little… I could get up and my head was just a little slanted for the rest of the day… after dusk, my head started the I wanna slant to one side again… so I popped in a couple more painkillers… these were funny looking pills… well, not really funny… they were sort of diamond shaped and blue… not unlike VIAGRA… and the fact that it helped my head pop back up is funny… Head Viagra… hahaha… but the pain was no joke…
This morning, my neck is still sore… but some improvements… I guess… I got up without help and popped me one of those Viagras and I am still up till now… so I am not going to push myself today… just work a little on the computer and a little on the desk… I miss my dick after all… I haven’t seen it for a whole week now… hmmm *sigh*
Maybe I’ll answer penis’s note:

Dear Dick,
I have been unwell. In a way I am glad that you miss me, at least I know you care. I’ve been at your side all this while, and I could tell that you’ve kept your usual ‘happy times’ even without my presence.
Smiles,
~ME~

I know… I know… totally uncalled for… but I can’t help it…
Bless…
~ShaZ

I sPoKe To GoD

2006-02-16T00:57:00.000+08:00

My first conversation with GOD and it Hanged… go figure…

Me: err hello?
God: Hello friend. What is your name?
Me: shazrin
God: Welcome to my chat room, shazrin.
Me: what should I call you?
God: My name is God.
Me: just God?
God: GOD rules.
Me: oh ok.
God: OK. Aw.
Me: so what are you doing tonight Mr God?
God: Dude! I am always chatting with people on the Internet.
Me: Really? Do you come across perverts when you chat?
God: For real. How old are you? I answer a lot of silly questions.
Me: err I am 25. aren’t you supposed to be all knowing?
God: What are the advantages to being 25 years old? All?
Me: yeah.. aren't you supposed to know everything that was, is and to be?
God: The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about . Try being more or less specific. I know very little about it. What kind of it do you like?
Me: what are you talking about?

At this point… GOD Hanged!!!
Try it!!! And tell me what he says okay…
http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html

TiReD aS HeLL...

2006-02-15T23:35:00.000+08:00

Hey boo…
I should say that today has been one draining day indeed… started from home at a quarter to eight in the morning and it took me a whole 45 minutes just to get out of the residential area… traffic was for some reason impossible… I wonder if it is because everyone stayed up late doing God know what on Valentines… I had promised Dr. Ngoh that I’d be there by 8:30 am but I got there at 9:00… but heck, so did the busses that were taking us to Ajinomoto…
The trip was a long one I would say… we left Ajinomoto at 12:30… it was quite sunny for the first part of the day, and I was perspiring a generous amount… the plant was quite big and walking in the sun… well, let’s just say it didn’t help… I’ll post some photos if the students send me a copy from their cameras…
When I got back Ramang called to go to lunch… I told him we could pack lunch and eat in my office where it was fairly cooler… we did and before I could eat, Professor Ali called me to help him with something… immediately… so I left my lunch, and Ramang to eat alone in my room while I tend to the good professor… somewhere along the line Ramang called to tell me he had to leave so he locked my room on his way out… oh well, so much for eating lunch together… met Dr. Ngoh at the main office; she had to leave earlier from Ajinomoto due to prior engagements… we found out that there’d be a seminar at 3:30 (which is actually at 3:00pm) so we went to pack lunch for her so we could eat in the pantry… in the middle of lunch, Dr. Lee came to ask if we were going to the 3 o’clock seminar… so we rushed lunch and went to the seminar on process control and modeling… which I didn’t understand at all… by the time that was over it was a little after 4… a little of this and that and it was 7:30 and they were waiting to pick me up…
Bottom-line is I am SO tired!!!
Bless…
~ShaZ

aNoTheR dAy oF NoThiNgNeSS

2006-02-14T18:09:00.000+08:00

Hey boo…
I was up early today… like 6:30 am early… I wasn’t really that sleepy so I decided to log on my PC and do my blog-rounds a little early… my blog is rather quiet as usual… just the same old friends who pity me and decide to drop by… well, there’s not much to read anyways so I don’t blame them…
Anyways, I finally saw MikeL online and we chatted for a while…
Wasn’t until 11 am when I was finally able to haul my ass to work… workload hasn’t increased as of today but I’m required to attend some workshops in the next few days. Ah well… it’s all good experience for me… I suppose.
As suggested by Chas I visited themexp.org and my desktop is looking mighty fine now… so thanx Chas…

Managed to translate some of the document I was assigned to translate… so I am happy…
Tomorrow I and Dr. Ngoh are accompanying some students for an industrial visit to Ajinomoto… will blog about that tomorrow if it goes well…
Oh, and I managed to chat with my buddy Luqman a little in the morning… he’s at Cambridge completing his MPhil and PhD… been bugging him to start a blog… but none so far…
Oh well… I guess this is all that I could post today…
Bless…
~ShaZ

OMG i KiSSeD a MaN...

2006-02-13T18:46:00.000+08:00

Hey boo…
Today have been wasted; one thing followed the other and before I knew it the day is almost ending. I came in late today because my aunt from Malacca is visiting in the morning so I waited just to say hi to her… I got to the office a little after noon and then there was a preaching session which lasted for one hour. Then I rushed back to my room to print out the previous department minutes of meeting; apparently nobody received it when I sent out the emails on Friday. They got the message but somehow the attachment (which was the minutes) was missing. Oh well… then the meeting went on from 2:30 pm to 4:05 pm… back to my room… checked my email… damn… more work… oh well…
So that’s it… today!
Oh about the dream I had last night… hmmm… I really don’t know what to make of it… I guess a post on one of the blogs that I visit (RejWiLd… link in the right column) must have influenced it a little… basically I could say the dream was GAY!!! Okay… here is how it went…
I was in some sort of amusement park you see… and I was going on this ride… your are strapped to a little platform that just about fits you body and this is attached to a slingshot-like mechanism… when you are ready you’ll be launched up and you’ll bounce up and down… much like bungee jumping I would say… only this one is set on the lake and you are bouncing above the water… oh well… that’s what I remembered… then somehow or rather I met this guy… he was Chinese I think… early 20s I would say… I think he knew me very well in the dream… I couldn’t tell if I was actually me in the dream… oh… sometimes I am a different person… well, we were talking at some sort of bar by the lake… I was seated next to him… I don’t remember what we said though… but suddenly I was snuggling to him and putting my head on his right shoulder and putting my arms around his waist… err… maybe between the wait and the chest… I remember feeling a bit alarmed in the dream… like saying to myself “What the hell am I doing?!” but I could also feel that the me in the dream is getting comfortable and I think he loves the other guy… it’s freaky… it’s like I’m him… I feel everything he felt then and there… *shivers* we just sat there like that for a while… the other guy, the Chinese dude, fell asleep I think… he was comfortable too apparently… oh well… when we woke up we started to kiss… on the lips… not very much unlike this…

Photo from inmagine.com… my source for nice phtos!!!
I know what you’re thinking…. “Ewwwww” right?! But I tell you this… back there in my dream, it felt good because the dude is a terribly good kisser… errr… that’s sounds SOOOOOOO GAY… but it was a good kiss… and that freaks me… then we went home together… I think it was my house… I didn’t recognize the house though but I could tell it is the me in the dream’s place… it’s a nice place BTW *wink*… then we were getting comfortable again… we were on the bed and snuggling against each other and there was a little more smooching… gosh… It was really weird… after that I woke up… it was 6:45 am… baby niece wants milk… thank god… I don’t know what would’ve happened after that… if I felt everything the me in the dream felt… I might very well end up having a wet one *another shiver*… a gay wet dream… imagine that… I would really freak then…. :P *no offence to you gay dudes out there :P* it’s just not something I am used to…
It’s been distracting me… the thought that is… it’s just a dream after all so I won’t let it get to me…
Oh well… I need to get back to work… I will post again later…
Bless…
~ShaZ

TiMe fLiEs... aNd mY nEcK iS sOrE...

2006-02-12T22:12:00.000+08:00

Hey boo…
I was telling myself the whole week… the next post I will not be whiny and bitchy… but I can’t help it… life’s been a bitch, what can I say?!
So on Thursday I was supposed to sit for my Spanish test… my neck was hurting like hell and so were my feet, so I ended up staying in my office marking tutorial papers and preparing for my Separations class on Friday. The class was supposed to be on Wednesday (8:00 to 10:00 am) but they shifted to Friday (9:00 – 10:00am), so being the person who prefers not to get up with people who sells vegetables at the market, I was all too agreeable. The drying chapter is not as heavy as the humidification and dehumidification… at least I think so… I had managed to go through all the tutorials on Thursday… most of the class did badly… when I say badly it’s like 1/10 and 2/10 bad… I tried to help but there wasn’t much I could work with… I think it’s the design project getting to them… maybe they weren’t prepared for the tutorial… oh well…
Friday wasn’t really that pleasant either… the class went on rather well though… I managed to go through all three questions with my students within the 1 hour… I am glad for that. Means no carry over questions for the next class… oh well, half of the class was gawking… but I am getting used to that now… as long as I say “OK?!” and don’t get any response, I assume everything IS OK!!! It’s their duty to come see me if they have problems…
At the mosque I saw Salam and Shahrom… Salam seems to have gained a little weight… but he looks happy and that’s all that matters… Shahrom didn’t know I have returned to UM… I told him it’s almost my sixth month here… ah well…
That afternoon managed a little progress in the IPPP Bulletin design… had recruited Ryan for some of the design… his work seem to be minimal and I’d probably have to re-edit… but I told him I’d pay so I will… Professor Nik didn’t seem to happy with the delay but content… she understands the situation… juggling work and my studies is not easy…
Yesterday and today… sleep day!!!!!
Tomorrow it’s back to work… *sigh*
The cover is usually my interest… anyways, I am no graphics expert… but I managed this… it’s a collage of Malaysia’s Prime minister themed Research Excellence… it’s the first draft… it will most likely be changed though…
Bless… will post soon.
~ShaZ

MiSSeS...

2006-02-08T19:26:00.000+08:00

I've missed:

3 French classes
2 German classes
1 Spanish class

*sobs*

*screams*

febrile convulsion... mY fEw daYs iN HeLL...

2006-02-07T16:36:00.000+08:00

"i am still not myself... so forgive the choppy and confusing post"
Hey boo…
The past few days have been a living hell for me… literally.
I have had to see people I love fall terribly ill, I have worn women’s batik sarung in public, and I haven’t had more than 3 hours of sleep every night.
Let me start from the beginning.
So on Friday I was working… although it seems like the only occupants in my block were Dr. Badrul and myself… and he left early I think… ah well… Junaidy was awful nice to keep me company though… Apparently his laboratory was dark because he was the only one working… so he decided to hang with me ~~and check out some porn sites in my office…~~ I left about 7ish… I was starving by the time I got home because I only had one curry-puff, coffee and two banana’s the whole day… can’t remember what I had for dinner now though… oh well…
The main thing is, my niece Puteri was developing a fever… Anna and Zul took her to see Baby (a doctor we are familiar with who works at a private clinic) and they came back with some cough syrup, flu medicine and some sort of pill you insert rectally if the baby gets too hot. Her temperature got very high, around midnight it was 40.4 degrees… I was worried but figured that if I panic things could only get worse… we called Anna and Zul back to Cheras to help take care of the baby… and to be with her just in case something happens and all…
Her temperature fluctuated up and down throughout the night… in the morning she was walking and playing… she appeared a little weak but she was still fooling around and all… her temperature had reduced so we didn’t expect what came next…
A little after 9 am she started to get a fit… I find out later that this is called febrile convulsion (fit)… I had read about it on the net the night before and told everyone that it’s the worse that could happen… no one was paying attention I think… anyways, Anna started to get panic and cry when her baby was having the fit… Mama was in the bathroom and she came out to start join the panic team… Zul had left early that morning to meet his friend about something… Tanti started to get panic after Zul shouting “…come back now!!! The baby is getting a seizure…!!!” Abah was still calm but worried I could tell… I was yelling at everyone to calm down of course… I told Abah to start the car and Tanti to get some of the baby’s stuff so we could take her to the hospital… All this happened in about 30 seconds…although it all seemed like an eternity… Puteri’s fit lasted about one minute… the fit stopped when I was carrying her in the elevator going to the car park… she became very limp and irritable… so Abah, Anna and myself were the ones to drive to the clinic which was about five minutes from the condo. We left Tanti with Mama because it would be good to have her tagging along with her heart condition and all…
So we arrived at the clinic and the Dr. was eating something when we entered but he saw us immediately… he told us to take the baby to the nearest hospital (HUKM) and get her to the ER immediately… he wrote something on a piece of paper and put it in an envelope for the MO at the Casualty Department of the Hospital… so we rushed out to get there… before we managed to get anywhere, Tanti called… she said Mama was having a heart attack … I told her not to panic and stay with Mama… it was hell… i was starting to panic too but I managed to stay calm… I told Abah to drive back and go check things up with Mama and called Tan… Tan is a close family friend and my business partner… Abah dropped me and Anna along with Puteri at the Lobby of Tan’s block and drove off… Tan was down in less than five minutes… and we drove like mad to HUKM…
All this time the “casualty” word was in my mind… that doesn’t look good at all… I thought to myself… but I kept quiet… my sister was quiet… I think she was in some sort of shock or something… we couldn’t wait for Zul and he didn’t know the way to HUKM so I told him to go back to the condo when called me… we’ll get him soon…
Later we found out he lost his way somewhere in Bangsar because he couldn’t think straight and didn’t know where he was driving… Tanti could’ve been more subtle… oh well; there are other more important things…
So I was doing all the registration nonsense at the ER HUKM and Anna went in with Puteri while Tan parked the car… I still hadn’t heard about Mama… by this time I was already screaming in my head… but I managed to keep my cool…
After about five minutes or so I heard the announcement over the PA “waris Puteri Teh sila masuk…” (will the family of Puteri Teh please enter…)
“Oh my God…” I was saying in my head… I didn’t know what to think and I walked in followed by Tan… Anna called me, and I was so relieved to her and Puteri in one section of the busy ER… Puteri was still okay…
The Dr. came a few seconds later with a small bucket of water and some gauze… she told us to sponge Puteri down to bring her temperature down… we did that… we were moved to the pediatrics ward a few minutes later… I think Puteri was stabilizing… Then Tanti called, she said Mama was asking about Puteri… Oh, I forgot about the part where I lied and told Abah to lie to Mama… saying we were still at the clinic and the doctor is just checking on Puteri and everything was fine… I followed my story… Tanti was still in the dark too… the last thing I needed then was Mama getting worse thinking about things that could happen to her first granddaughter… Mama was a little stable I found out but she couldn’t move her legs… this usually happens after one of her episodes and could stay that way for up to 2 weeks before she could walk again… so I followed my story; smoothly lying… for the better good…
Puteri slept most of time after that… and we sponged her… a little after 12 me and Tan left Anna with Puteri at HUKM to get Zul who was already at the condo waiting… on the way back Mama called, herself, asking about Puteri and I slowly explained what really happened… and that she has stabilized and the hospital will keep her for one day or two for observation… she wasn’t to convinced though… and she seemed to be okay with the truth…
I told Tan to come up and explain to Mama and convince her… since it was the truth and all… he did… and she was a little assured I think… but not fully convinced… there’s a story behind this actually…
When my Uncle, my mom’s older brother passed on a few years ago, my mother had a massive heart episode and she lost her memory temporarily… we didn’t want to worsen her condition and pretended everything was okay and nothing happened when she came about later… we told her she was afraid of a worm in the vegetable and she got an attack when she asked why she was sick… we couldn’t possibly tell her the bad news again… it was almost 2 weeks before she finally remembered and ask me about my Uncle… she remembered he had passed on… there wasn’t much that I could tell her because we never attended the funeral, the prayer sessions, or even mourned for his passing so Mama wouldn’t suspect… it was painful because he was very close with all of us… her recovery was slow but she recovered fully…
We went back to the hospital (me and Zul) together with an overnight bag for Anna and some of Puteri’s stuff…. Puteri seemed better…
Anna was crying everytime the baby coughed or cried… which was why I told her to go home later and let me stay with the baby at the hospital… with her condition, I don’t think she’d be able to be much help… and she did just recover from a fever herself…
So she left with Zul leaving me with the baby… I was in my cargo shorts and long-sleeve t-shirt. Close to midnight, when the ward was a little quiet I changed into the batik sarung because my shorts was starting to feel uncomfortable… Puteri was a little jumpy and she woke up a little after midnight I think… she was fussing in her cot so I carried her… she seemed weak but okay… she was also a little warm… I walked to a nurse sorting out some medicine and asked if Puteri seemed hot to her… she said yes… a few seconds later it came… in two huge gushes… Puteri threw up on me… I didn’t mind the throwing up, but I had checked the overnight bag earlier… there were only a t-shirt which Anna wore just now… an batik sarung which I am wearing now and managed to miss the main gush of puke… and a big jeans skirt… so there goes my shirt…
The nurse came to help of course… I gave her the baby and went to clean up… the shirt took too much puke and there was no way I would be able to wear it… I called Anna and decided not to ask her to send me a change of clothing afraid that Mama might be alarmed… I asked the nurse who handed me a purple hospital blouse… so I had to wear the batik sarung and a purple hospital blouse for the night… Didn’t sleep much that night…
The next morning Anna and Zul arrived late because the visiting hours weren’t until 12:30 and they could get into the hospital… and Zul was having diarrhea for some reason… so I decided to wear my cargo shorts with the purple blouse when everyone got up and the ward was alive with mothers, fathers, patients and interns… I looked stupid and some of the interns did give me the “What the hell is this patient doing in paeds?!”-look… but I had to keep a straight face… Puteri got up at 7:30 am and she pooped her diapers at about 8… so I decided to give her a bath… also to cool her down…
Without my noticing, cause I was too busy working the buckets of water, Puteri managed to smear my shorts with her poop… there goes my shorts… I finished bathing her and dressed her up… then I was back in my sarung… everyone looked and smiled… I guess I was quite a sight standing almost six feet tall with bright colored batik sarung and a purple patients blouse which was quite fitted… all this until after noon…
Finally Anna came and I left with Zul to get some sleep at home because the doctor told us they wanted Puteri to stay another day… so I was to stay with her again that night…
Had lunch… arrived home at 2… slept… Zul came to pick me up at 5:30… back at the hospital… sponged her until 4:30am because her fever came back around 7ish… my feet were killing me… slept until about 6 am… got up and cleaned Puteri, gave her medicine and made her milk… oh this time I was just tired but I was properly attired… so it wasn’t too bad… but my feet were killing me… Anna came early that day because I had to be at work… I arrived at the office around noon…
I wasn’t really stable… I was emotional and I was very very very tired…
Stayed until about 7 and went home… Puteri was discharged around 7ish as well…
I took care of her until about 2 am… then I couldn’t take it anymore and Abah and Mama (not yet very well, but she could walk…) had to take over… she had a fever last night too… so they sponged her all night…
I am still very tired… but I need to get some work done…
I will edit this later… but I have to stop now… need to get some work done… and prepare for my class tomorrow… I hate having to teach at 8 am… but it’s the only time the students agreed to… Professor Ali is not complaining so who am I to say anything….
Bless all of you then…
And Thank you FARAH for your support yesterday… you helped… a lot…
~ShaZ

F*cK... i aM piSSeD

2006-02-03T17:44:00.000+08:00

I am SO FUCKING PISSED!!!!
I did my job... and on time too... Suddenly I am the slow one... the sloppy one...
The things is I had to smile... even though in my mind I am saying:
Well FUCK YOU!!! FUCK the whole damned thing... see if I FUCKING care... You FUCKED UP... NOT ME!!! so get the FUCK out of my face!!!

glad that is out of my system... but I am still PISSED!!!

aNNuaL rEpoRT...

2006-02-03T01:15:00.000+08:00

I've just finished typing the Annual Report... So happy...

sTaYeD hOmE tHe wHoLe wEEk...

2006-02-02T21:50:00.000+08:00

Hi…
I stayed home the whole week… apart from one trip to the hypermart for groceries I hadn’t stepped out of the house… not even to the pool… I wanted to just rest I guess. Uncle Mie and Abang Fairuz stayed over yesterday and the day before and they wanted to pretty much laze about as well. So I guess we weren’t such boring hosts because we were all lazing about… hehehe
So I was just on MikeL’s blog a moment ago… he was blogging about his new Nike… and I am thinking to myself… I need those… I need those bad… walking around in my boots have given me a bloody ache lately… on Mondays and Wednesdays I make one trip to the Linguistics Faculty for my language class and back… that makes 30 minutes of walking… and on Tuesdays and Thursdays I make two trips back and forth… that is another hour of walking… then there’s the walks to the main office… to my tutorial classes… meeting at the Main Faculty Building… gosh… I don’t think those boots were designed for someone who walked this much… I need proper walking shoes… My orange and yellow shoes don’t match my work attire… which is usually jeans and colored shirts… unless there’s a meeting… then I replace the jeans with proper slacks… and my other shoes… well they’re not for walking too… so I guess it wouldn’t go off too much if I wore Nike to work… so MikeL… you’ve inspired me… to buy shoes….!!!
I should post more pictures here… hmmm…
Bless…
~ShaZ

i goT a rAiSe?!... WeLL iLL bE....

2006-01-29T19:17:00.000+08:00

Hey Boo,
After days of slavery… and not being able to blog or update myspace, friendster or anything; and after a whole day of zzzz’s yesterday… I’ve decided to tart reposting today… a new resolution… will not let work get in the way of my blog…
So what have happened since the 18th?! Frankly, so much have happened I don’t even remember!!!
Classes have been okay I would say… the tutorial I have to mark are still lying on the to do section of my filing cabinet… since too many tings have been occupying my desk space lately, I’ve decided to move my to-dos over the cabinet… well, it still lying there cursing me everyday… telling me what a lazy fat-ass I have been… oh wait, that’s just my imagination…
The trip to Alamanda Putrajaya with Anna was beneficial I guess… the Teddy’s Dream oil from Lovely Lace is heavenly… my room smells so good now… who gives a fuck even if it’s girly to have nice smelling rooms… I like it… and that’s how it should stay… smelling nice…
Oh, I should say I got a raise too… some revision on the allowance or something like that… so my pay has increased a few hundred… I dun get it… but I am not complaining… hehehe
Let’s see… what else can I write about…?! It’s times like these I envy MikeL and SmashPOP…. They’re never out of ideas… I guess some people are just better at expressing themselves… I never have been the one much for words… even back in school my essays used to be short and direct… on the other hand, I’ve been labeled the chatterbox by quite a few… I guess, I am more the talker and not the writer… but who gives a shit?!
I did get some pictures of me at Ikano the other day… will post that later… it’s on the other hard-disk.
Oh btw, the DVD writing project is going well… my hard-disk is freeing space, I can watch my movies and animes on my DVD player; and best of all I can start downloading again with my free space… yaay for me…
Slowly getting used to my new phone… don’t know why I got the N-Gage QD?! I haven’t tried the games… well not really… hehe… will get around to it…
Here it is…

I’ll write more soon…
Bless…
~ShaZ

Nocheinmal, bitte langsam!

2006-01-18T00:38:00.000+08:00

Today was the usual ~~ass shaping day where I have to work my ass walking back and forth to Linguistics Fac~~ busy day for me… had classes from 2 to 7. In the morning I had some extra Separations 2 tutorial requested by my overenthusiastic students. I know I am busy and that time could be used to settle of some of the pending matters but I just can’t say no… I like teaching what can I say… the preparation is horrendous but I think its well worth it. Slept at 3 am yesterday trying to figure out to explain what wet bulb temperature is so they’d understand… but they didn’t… I guess you can’t win em’ all… but the class was okay overall I would say. I managed to go through question 2, which everyone was asking about within that one hour… and I also sorted out my name… Shazrin I told them to call me… was quite irritated to be called Tutor! Tutor!...

German was quite fun today… although I was caught off guard when the lecturer asked Wie alt sind Sie? I stared at her dumbfounded… it was almost a minute before I managed vierundzwanzig Jahre alt … but she wasn’t too pissed… considering I had been drilling Ich bin Shazrin. Ich bin vierundzwanzig Jahre alt. I was quite surprised that I’d freeze like that… but I think I can manage the Wie haißen Sie? Wo wohnen Sie?… oh well… she showed the class some corny German video… it was quite amusing… had the “happy family game” afterwards…

Spanish was rather bland today… just learning a few conjugations and stuff like that…

Dead tired by the time I get back…

Need rest…

Bless…

jUsT tOdAy.... feat. MY OffiCe

2006-01-16T17:51:00.000+08:00

Hey boo…
Just got back from French class… and now sipping coffee in front of my PC… today’s lesson was rather cute, but then again French is always cute… it’s German that’s killing me… for now that is.
Oh well…
The day sure started with momentum, a momentum of shitloads of work that is… I told Abah to drop me off at the main office as usual… a quick peak at my pigeonhole and I see a bunch of papers and a fat brown envelope. As usual, I sighed ~~like any spoilt fat ass lazy bitch who expects to be paid for nothing~~ as usual… they were actually tutorial sheets Professor Ali left for me to mark. I’ll look at it later I thought because this Wednesday will be lecture class and not tutorial… meaning good ole’ Shaz will be in his room getting other crap off his back…
I finally managed to hook up the DVD writer to the PC at home over the weekend. Anna and Zul decided to sleep over because Mama won’t let them take Puteri home… she’s not fully recovered after all and all that moving might very well make her sick again. Oh well, that’d give me and Tanti some time off Puteri… not that we’re complaining… well, Tanti mostly because she’s the one with the baby all the time… anyways, we managed to get some of the animes into some DVDs meaning we’d be able to free some space on the HDD… more downloading in the future for sure…
The weekend was rather relaxing I would say… me at least… I tried to stay away from the PC (apart from writing files to DVDs) even though I was supposed to get some work done. I’ll do it during the week… I figured… so much for making up my mind eh?!
Anyways, I was the scribe on Friday for the department meeting… I didn’t blog about that now did I?! Well, basically I just sit and write every crap that everyone says and prepare the minutes later… great huh?! Hehehe thankfully the meeting didn’t last so long… maybe everyone was eager to leave because it was raining and it was after all a Friday afternoon. All the better for me. Started drafting the minutes after the meeting…
Since I’m a little dry of ideas… now would be a good time to post some pictures of my office my office… hehehe
This is my air-cond… took them months to get it installed…

This is my notice board… where I post all my junk… notice the DMC pictures... hehehe

This is my desk… where I… do stuff lah… :P

My trusty PC… where I sit and blog… and do useless stuff like that…

My filing cabinet…

My white board….

Oh ok… that was pointless…
Anyways, this is MY space… MY office… hehehe all mine 

bOriNggggg....

2006-01-14T03:10:00.000+08:00

Hi boo…
Yesterday, or Thursday rather, was a really exhausting. The schedule is tight and required some 10 minutes brisk-walk 3 times back and forth bur somehow it was extra tiring…
My morning was interrupted by a student asking about the tutorial problems and I ended spending the whole morning going through the whole thing with him. I had barely checked my email. I can always tell when I am behind my work… there’d be piles of email in the Follow Up folder in Outlook. Well, to date there are over 20… I only managed to steal some time to drop by louyau.net for a quick read. I can’t remember now but I think he hadn’t updated yet. Then I was replying some smses and it was two o’clock before I got through all of em’. So it was the first marathon of the day, I had to walk to the Linguistics Faculty for my German class.
I arrived late and had to sit in the second row. Something I haven’t done in ages and for some reason I felt as if I am behind the class. I don’t know; German seems kind of difficult for now. Then I rushed back to my office hoping I could get some work done.
Just to give you a picture… I had bought an external DVD writer two weeks ago and it’s still in the bag. I’ve not had the time to unpack the damned thing. And I really wanted the DVD writer…
So I left for class leaving my PC, ac and lights on thinking I’d come back to sort some more things before I leave. After class, Abah was already waiting at Linguistics so I told him to stop by my office only to find the main door locked. So I had to leave the lights and other stuff on overnight. I hope no one complains.
I was extra tired I guess because I arrived home, changed, had dinner and went straight to bed. I think it was a little after 8.
Today wasn’t very productive as well, I dunno… maybe I am getting over sloppy and lazy… but I have made up my mind. I will get most of it done over the weekend.
So I am stopping here for now.
Bless all.
~ShaZ

tagboard acting up....

2006-01-12T17:04:00.000+08:00

mikel: yeah.. much... thank you very much... how are you btw?
pOp: me too... cant over it...
rejwild: yeah.. thanx for dropping by...

tHe cOmEbAcK...

2006-01-11T22:47:00.000+08:00

So what’s my freaking excuse this time for not blogging for the past twelve days or so?!... What could be more ~~fucking~~ important that bitching to the world about my daily miseries…?! Well, for starters Mama and Abah had to go to Labuan for the weekend so me, Puteri and Tanti were conveniently dumped at Anna’s place… I know were are both way over twenty and can take care of Puteri at home, but who’s going to drive me to work?! not being able to drive suddenly makes me feel like such a cripple
So, I would leave with Zul in the morning and Anna/Zul would pick me up later… Thursday was fine because Zul had to drop something off at SS2 so we took our sweet time, had breakfast and all before he dropped me off at my office… he liked morning drop-offs so he could check in late for work… I guess the morning traffic is really getting to him… oh well… that day went on a dull-ly as any day could get… oh… went crazy with the camera… will post some pictures of my office… *smiles*
On Friday, Zul had to be in on time so we had to park the car at Kelana Jaya station and take the LRT… so there I was, out with peasants early in the morning… taking the LRT no less…
Salam came over to check on his myspace and all sorts on my PC… and keep me company of course… I’d just go crazy alone… with all those work to do.
Anyways…
yaay for getting that job Salam…
So I thought I’d take him out for dinner or something… to celebrate and thank him for keeping me company all this while… oh, June had an interview at COMBICAT that day… so he tagged along too. They picked Secret Recipe at MidValley to go for dinner… June had some sort of kebab dish and Salam had the Thai fried rice… the food wasn’t really that good… but that’s not the story… you see it was raining and I had late lunch that day, and some stupid meeting… and you know what meeting translates to when you work in the government… yeah… say it with me… FOOD!!! so I wasn’t really that hungry at all… and I just ordered a cappuccino for myself… being that I love coffee and all…
So after a while my oversized cup with the froth and all came… I was all excited with anticipation… and I took a sip… *yucks* it was not hot… I hadn’t added the sugar to it yet but I don’t think it’d dissolve… the damned thing might as well be on ice… so I waved my bitch hands for the waiter…
Me: My coffee is not hot…
The waiter nodded and took my cup…
A while passed… Salam and June were almost through with their plates…
My coffee came back…
I took a sip… hoping… *yucks!!!* it’s still cold… ~~so I took my cup and splashed it on his head…!!!~~
~~what the fuck is wrong with people…?!~~ did they make coffee over lunch and line em’ up on the counter to save time when people order or what?! They might as well have stirred coffee into iced water… and I am not exaggerating…
I looked at Salam…
Me: Would I be a bitch I returned my cup again?!...
Salam: Yeah!!! You’d be a major bitch… *nodding*
Me: Oh who gives a damn…
I motioned for the waiter again…
Me: My coffee is cold… I returned it earlier… feel the cup… it’s not hot…
The waiter kept a straight face… while I showed him how the cup wasn’t even warm… he took my cup and left… I could only imagine the words that must be running through his brain…
Oh well…
After a while coffee came… I’ll be damned if I have to return this one too…
Me: You wait here… I want to make sure this is right this time…
The waiter had to force a smile while I sipped my coffee… finally… coffee…
It wasn’t good coffee… but at least it’s coffee…
Me: see… at least the cup is hot… thank you…
He left…
.
.
.
So that was my adventure with coffee… so never screw with Shazrin’s coffee coz’ Shazrin will get mad!!!

Saturday and Sunday wasn’t much either… just the usual ole’ week over at Anna’s…
Did a little shopping at Alamanda Putrajaya… hmmm… that’s about it…

Monday… now there’s something… my first Separation 2 class with the students…
The class was rather big… 63 students… mostly in their third year.
I was five minutes late for my class so I made an entrance and was introduced by Professor Ali: … this is your very young and handsome tutor…
Sheesh…
I settled down a while and then Professor Ali handed me the class…
The first thing I taught my students was how to read the psychromatric chart…
There I was standing in front of 63 students armed with the trusty OHP, transparencies and marker… one hour really flies when you are teaching… didn’t get to cover much as it was their first time with the chart so some of em’ couldn’t really digest what I was ranting about in front…
But I felt good… I mean all this while I know I like it when people have to listen to me ramble and rant, but this time they actually have to pay attention as well… and it felt good… I was actually teaching… doing my bit for mankind…
My first step… to becoming Professor Shazrin… hehe nice ring to it…
So now the world would not be scarce of those who can decipher the psychromatric chart…
The rest of the day went by like lightning… I had so much to do… curse paper work… curse administrative work… curses…

Tuesday… slept till 4pm… ate… slept…

Today… continued with my class… today is actually an extra class because it’s a three credit subject but we’ve been loosing our Mondays to the holidays so we needed this…
I was a little more comfortable standing in the front… actually I was comfortable before… today I am just savoring it… topic of the day was still humidification and dehumidification… it’s nice to have 63 pair of eyes gawk at you for an hour while you go on and on… before I knew it, my one hour was up, my finger were black from the ink, and Dr Wan Ashri was already at the door… together with his Reaction Engineering class…
I had some students tail me to my office needing some clarification on some of the examples we solved in class… chit chatted with them for a while and it was almost noon…
Dr Kheireddine was breathing down my neck for his posters… I worked on it for a while… putting the pictures I took in place… converted the file to .pdf format and emailed him… 12:30 called Ramang for lunch…
1:00 went back to office to work on the posters again… 1:45 left for my French class…
The ten minute walk was hot and boring… yeah what else is new… :P
3:30 class was over… rushed to the main faculty building for the TechPos 06 committee meeting… more food… 4:45 meeting with Dr Kheireddine about the posters…
5:15 finally I get time to myself to read my emails…
A click of send/receive on my Outlook and the mails come pouring in…
Then more dreadful news came… Dept. Meeting… 13/1/2006… Scribe: Raja Shazrin…
Arrrgghhhh…. Damn it… oh well, got to do it sometime… can’t expect Dr Ngoh to do it all the time… oh well…
Checked myspace… chatted a bit… and that’s my day… my boring and dull day…
Oh well…
Am going to do my blog rounds now…
Oh… I’ve missed so much….
Bless all…
~ShaZ

hApPy fReAkiN' nEw yEaR...

2005-12-31T18:46:00.000+08:00

I just kept telling myself for the past few days… “I’ll blog something today… I will…” but something always gets in the way. There’s always someone on the phone, a colleague stopping by for office chit-chat, meetings that seem to last a lifetime, homework, and the list goes on… you’d think someone like me would be past homework. Yeah, I guess God has laid out paths for all of us and mine happened to involve homework at 24… or rather 25… I think I am going with 24… actually taking up some foreign languages was all my idea, I have after all been trying for the past four years, so now I am finally able to take the courses the least I could do is not complain right?! Hmm… although a little bitchin’ never hurt anybody I always say.
Let’s see… my last entry was on the 25th so that makes the week a whole void. Well, plenty happened, although the plenty that happened are non-juicy or afternoon soap worthy material, but rather the usual developments in my life, academic career, relationships, and schedule. Put like that it might sound nice but trust me, they are just the same old crap…
The storm that cut my blog-time last week lasted for quite a while. At least I think it did because I dozed off waiting for it to stop. Thinking I’d continue with my bitchin’ and all… but ~~being the lazy asshole that I am~~ I dozed off. Remember the shit load of work I had, and supposed to have completed on the Monday off… well, I ended up ~~stapling my lid to the tv and wasting my time making my ass bigger~~ doing other stuff. So I went to work the next day hoping to avoid Dr K because the poster I promised to finish for him was only half done, but in the end he ended up avoiding me as well because he had his share of catching up to as well. I guess that’s why academicians get cranky early in the semesters, they shouldn’t be caught up in administrations work, but then again some of these really aren’t administrative at all and the admin staff just cannot cope with the load; unless of course they hire chemical engineering graduates to fill in those positions. The syllabus, load, registrations and all those nonsense, the students will walk all over them… so I guess the system is as it should be.
Someone commented that I get too involved in my work and end up sounding very boring; but truth of the matter is, I am a boring person to begin with. I just like to talk about work, research and stuff like that; and I also like to talk about games and movies I watch on Hallmark *and yes I watch Hallmark!!!*… so that makes me a boring person to some. But I am happy and I’d like to stay that way. Even though I may bitch about it from time to time; and complain and whine, but I am happy and thus so I will remain.
Working with the poster and stuff was getting a bit of a hassle without a USB drive; mine was taken hostage by Anna and all, so I guess I’ll just have to ask for one from the Department. That was on the list of things to do that day. I went to see Professor Ali a little before lunch to ask about class ~~so it’d look like I care~~. Apparently I got the time mixed up and missed the bloody thing. Good thing it was a lecture because the tutorial was on Mondays, and thus cancelled because of Christmas. A little chat and I was off. Picked up a 256MB USB drive from the office *I would have like the 1GB one but no stock apparently*. The rest of the day is pretty much a blur to me now.
Highlight of Wednesday was ~~the fu*king hole I burn in my bloody pocket~~ paying for my fees at IPS. It wasn’t that much but still my poor gold card was set back a good RM1500 or so. Oh well… oh and I finally got the letter of offer for my French, German and Spanish classes. After harassing Razak at the office about my offer letter from ~~those as* li*king m*therf*ckers~~ SKR I called them and said I’ll go pick the thing up myself. There were mistakes on the print and it was left on someone’s desk apparently. even though I was told “it’s been sent to you”
Thursday… I was at UPM the whole day attending a one day seminar on Technologies on Wastewater Treatment by Professor Bharat Gupta from France. A good lecture in whole I would say. From there I rushed back to UM just in time for my first Spanish class. The teacher was Chinese and apparently she recognized me from Second College days back in 2000. She was my PM… how’s that for a small world..?!
Chinese-Spanish accent may need some getting used to though!!!
Friday or rather yesterday was the day that I told myself I’d stay at the office and get all my work done; once and for all. Arrived at 10:07 for my 10:00 appointment with Professor Nik; she was chatting with Dr Che Ros in front of her office. I was cutoff by Awanis who needed to see her ~~and couldn’t wait in line~~ so I figured it must be important. I courteously excused myself to Xerox my Spanish notes to give way.
The meeting afterwards went on until after twelve. Went to my room and Ramang called to tell me they were leaving for Friday prayers and I needed the ride. This after a short hi-have-a-nice-trip with FMT who was leaving for Mecca…
I was off and at the mosque… lunch and all lasted till 3.
Back to the office. Dr Ngoh came for a chat. About 4 ish then
Ramang came later to take back his USB drive, I transferred Angels in America to the tablet PC so I can watch it over the weekend.
Mama called says Zul will pick me up a little later. I was fine with that. More time to do work.
Proceeded to check my email…
Ismail called about the Taman Negara trip he was planning for CNY just as I was reading the email… chatted with him about stuff and who’s doing what until a little after 6.
Finished off replying emails and stuff and Ramang had to leave for Maghrib.
Dragged the files into my briefcase *hoping to get some work done over the weekend… again…*. Prayed… 7:30 ish… time was up… Zul called. Packed up, locked my room and left.
So bloody much for getting work done.
Let’s see how this weekend goes.
Bless…

I need a break

post

2005-12-31T15:02:00.000+08:00

POST COMING SOON... Promise.