Monday, August 21, 2006

SiCk...

Hey boo...
today I got my very first medical leave (mc) from my doctor... I've never taken sick leave ever... and that tradition didn't break... to my stubbornness, I stayed in UM the whole day... f*ck was it a bad idea...
Now, I've swallowed tonnes of pills, nauseated, hungry (but cannot eat), and bloody feverish... hope i make it home tonight in one piece... ameen...
bless all of you...
~ShaZ

Saturday, August 12, 2006

Thursday, August 10, 2006

wtf...?!

Was doing my thing when I came accross this... WTF?!
Under Construction writes about how you can get in trouble with yer bloggies...
you can't shit without getting in trouble eh?!
heh...?! how's that for anti-establishment... *wink*

wtf...?!


After walking in the dreadful heat from Dewan Tunku Canselor... I can still smile... I was in charge of calling out the names of graduates from the Chemical Engineering Dept.... heh...

so... baby hippo or baby cow?!!! calf u idiot

TeN miSeRabLe dAyS iNtO 25...

So it really has been ten miserable days into my twenty-fifth year on earth and I am still clueless... still getting daily lectures from this reflection of me saying "... where the fuck do you think you are going?!.... hey guess what, it's a new year and you're still a bitch... geez man you FAT..." and every now and then "... fuck you dang you, make yourself useful why don't... go screw some gurls or something..." and if I get really lucky "FUCK OFF!!!"
Actually, reflecting my current situation (to others) I haven't much to complain about... there you go bicth... contradict yourself... I am quite comfortable here in UM... getting my monthly paycheck on the 23rd of every month, lecturing one to two hours four days a week, and watering the assortment of cacti that is my collection every Wednesdays. Heh!?
Ramblings aside...
updates are called for...

Thursday, July 13, 2006

aBouT mE...

Tagged by Bill/Will. Lets see, ahems......... here we go

10 YEARS AGO I WAS :
a virgin;
just registered to this HellHole called Sekolah Menengah Sultan Abdul Samad after being abroad for a few years. Joining the Malaysian education system straight into Form 3 is not recommended. There’re subjects like BM, Geog, History, and Islamic Religion that are totally alien subjects to me… I was placed in a ‘bad’ class… had a feel of what it’s like in a delinquent class…
fat and I weighted more than 90 kgs at that time.

5 YEARS AGO I WAS :
still a virgin;
19 years old…

1 YEAR AGO I WAS :
still a virgin;
still 19 years old…;
CEO of a company; Living in a luxury condo on Gurney Drive, Penang;
never thinking about my spendings;
fit… shit what am I doing here now?!

YESTERDAY I WAS :
working in my office until almost 10 pm…;
laid… yeah, like that’ll ever happen here…;
writing my research project progress report for the HR office to extend my work contract;
blogging.

5 MOST RECENT SONGS I LISTENED TO :

May It Be - Enya
Jezebel - Sade
No Scrub - TLC
Hips Don’t Lie - Shakira
Falling in to you – Celine Dion

5 SONGS I KNOW ALL THE WORDS TO :
Don’t Speak – No Doubt
errmm….
Hmmm…
Baa Baa Black Sheep
Twnikle Twinkle Little Star…
this is hard… and pathetic…

IDEAL PLACES FOR RUNNING AWAY TO :
HOME
HOME
HOME

5 THINGS I REALLY WANT :
My Masters Degree
A new notebook…
A raise -stole this from Will
a set of ½” tubular membrane set for MWCO of 50k, 100k, 150k and 200k
I want my 32” waist again…

5 THINGS I SHOULD BE DOING RIGHT NOW :

Running my experiments;
Writing my report;
Reading the ten thousand journal papers on my desk;
Drinking coffee;
I am going to say drinking coffee again.

5 BIGGEST JOYS IN MY LIFE :

Family
Friends
my PS2
Family…
errr Family…!!!

5 PEOPLE I TAG :
I don’t think that many people come here… anyways I tag:
FaRaH
Sleepin Beauty
Yenshiong
NeLLe
AmaT tue kutuk!!! coz I have noone else

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

Performancing...?!

Hey Boo...
So today I was doing some housekeeping for my PC and found some nice extensions for Firefox... Performancing... helps you post onto your blogs... I think it's cool...
We'll try more tomorrow okay... Bless...
~ShaZ

Saturday, July 01, 2006

mY LiFe

Hey boo,

I’ve been really tired lately… investing most of my life into work and education. I leave home at seven in the morning everyday and I don’t come back until after 8 pm. It seems that the more I put in, the more things come up… what’s worse is all these things are little donkey errands that no one wants. The kind of work that nobody cares to appreciate… and being the junior staff makes me the default candidate for these things.

Then there’s also my research work… which is stagnant by the way; and it’s my entire damned fault because I don’t have the freakin’ heart to say “… this is not in my f*&king job description… so go &*%$ yourself!”
So I guess I was fated to run errands… I really shouldn’t say more…

Getting down on work… what do you do when going home at 8 pm everyday is not enough to get work done?
disconnect the damn computer at the office and lug the blasted thing home…

So… back to work then…

Bless…
~ShaZ

Saturday, June 03, 2006

QueAsY

Hey boo…
I’ve had 3 cups of coffee, a cup of Milo and a cup earl grey… and I am feeling a bit queasy from reading too many articles from Science Direct so I thought I’d check in for a quick post…
Yesterday was my first meet with our new Vice Chancellor… Datuk Rafiah Salim… she delivered the officiating speech for UM Graduate Month 2006 and I was quite impressed. I like her speech.
Oh dear… I guess queasiness is getting to me… so I’ll stop here…
Bless…
~ShaZ

Monday, May 22, 2006

NiCe sOnG

Hey boo,
I’ve a new addiction… this is a beautiful song.

aBouT noThiNg aT aLL...

Hey boo,
Forgive the lack of updates, this time it is deliberate… for some time now I’ve noticed that if I post too often I tend to write too much… so much so that I might reveal more than is appropriate… don’t get me wrong, I am all for the ‘open book’ lifestyle and all but sometimes there are issues or secrets that doesn’t belong to us; thus making it inappropriate to write somewhere everyone can read… I can see that like most bloggers I am being vague… but then hey… that’s the way it ought to be… :)
So to post on my current activities…
I should say that last week was rather productive. What with a research assistant by my side, courtesy of NMS, there have been some progress in my research… finally… aside from revamping one of our membrane dedicated laboratory, the RA, Fauzi, is also helping with my research work… for the past week he’s been helping me with the compiling of literature thereby marking the infant steps of progress in my research project. I’ve also managed to set aside a few documentation tasks assigned by the Head leaving me just a little more on the IChemE accreditation form… I should say that this will be behind me soon enough…
The students’ exam result is finally released today… my worry is that with the number of failures for my subject I’d be marked as the ‘killer’ staffs in the Department. God only knows how much I’ve tried to help but the subject proves to be rather difficult for a large chunk of my class… now I know for a fact that the last thing a lecturer wants is for a student to fail his or her subject… oh well… I guess all will turn out well. Life has a way of being like that most of the time… I mean I graduated fine now, didn’t I?!
This post must have taken a wrong turn somewhere… I don’t know what else to write…
Bless…
~ShaZ

Sunday, May 14, 2006

tHe pAsT tWo WeeKs...!!!

Hey Boo,
It’s been two weeks since my last post… flowers have bloomed, Vice Chancellors have changed (the University of Malaya have had the honor… or not… we’ll see)… and I have gained weight… *sigh* I feel like 200 kilos of lard… been eating like there’s no tomorrow…
So what do I choose to post about the past few weeks…

About bitches and shopping carts :
I was at Giants in Taman Connaught last weekend, Saturday afternoon, to do some grocery shopping and boy was the place crowded… I didn’t mind the crowd too much but it’s the attitude of the crowd that pissed me off a little. Well, for starters, there’s a big crowd… so you’d expect the place to be cramped with mothers and kids staring at aisles and aisles of stuff to buy… but what you don’t expect is their leaving their shopping carts all over the place while they stare down at whether they should get the curry flavored Maggi mee or curry flavored Mammee mee… I mean, if you see someone trying their best to maneuver their shopping carts to pass through, you’d feel some obligation to move your f8cking cart an inch or two to make way right?!!... but no… they’d rather take their sweet f8cking time and let the other person wait creating a shopping cart jam behind him… I was SOOO tempted to yell out “hey bitch!!! Move you big fat f8cking cart!!!” I mean get that f8cking mee and move… so okay, after a long and agonizing wait she finally decides to move her damn cart without the slightest feeling of remorse and the crowd behind me finally manage to move on… after a challenging maneuver that would leave the US Air Force in awe, passing through a bunch of male foreign workers holding hands and two teenage couples that had trouble walking because they were walking so close together it looked like they were Siamese twins fused at their asses… theirs this you couple and their baby in the cart so conveniently placed across the aisle so no one could pass while mommy decides whether to get daddy the green or blue briefs… the wait starts again… I mean if we say “excuse me…” I am sure we’d get one of those “Tak reti nak sabar ker..?” or the “Takleh tunggu sekejap ker..?” from these kinds of people… I mean, hello… you ingat bapak you punye shopping mall ker… from that I can conclude, people park their carts as recklessly as they do their cars… so they should have some mall police writing tickets to these SOBs… phewwwsss… that’s that then…

About OTO Big Foot: reflexology foot massager :
So we’ve had this thing lying in the house for a few weeks now… everyone seems to love sticking their feet into the two holes on top of this thing and relax while it massages your two sore feet for ten minutes or so… but not me… no sir…
So, last Friday night I decided to try again, after I’ve had some discomfort trying it the last time… I mean I paid over two thousand Ringgit for the thing, I was thinking that I should get at least some pleasure from it right… so I stuck my feet in and started the machine… it felt quite good at first… then it started to hurt at the ball of my feet… not too much though so I figure it’s the machine doing its thing… so at the end of the program I took my feet out, blood circulation improved and all *wink* with a bonus blister on both the ball of my feet… ouch… I yelped when I stood up putting some pressure on my feet… so for the past two days, I’ve been walking like I am wearing an invisible high heeled shoes… conclusion… no Big Foot for me…my feet are too thick I think… so the pressure is too much… I mean everyone else don’t get the problem so I must be me… *sigh*

About eating too much :
Meeting = Food

Chemical Engineering Undergraduate Research Day 2006 = Food X3 = coffee breakX2 + Lunch

3 day Workshop in PD = Food X18 = (b’fast + coffee breakX3 + lunch + dinner + supper) X3 days

So I’ve been eating too much…

Ok for now…
Bless…
~ShaZ

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

I aM SoOoO noT mUsiCaL...!!!

Hey boo,
I was helping a blogger friend get some music on her blog when I got this idea… what if I did something really stupid today?! Like sing and post it… well I did… and here it is…

I think that's quite enough... I am no singer… so don’t criticize okay… I didn’t know what to sing at first… err… I still don’t actually… in case you were wondering, that was actually Don’t Speak… hehe
I think it’d be nice to be able to speak out some of my future posts… that way I can be more expressive rite?! Hmmm… oh well…
Bless…
~ShaZ

Friday, April 28, 2006

Bitch...!!!

Hey Boo,
I guess the scariest thing is being different… especially when one is beginning to get comfortable with his environment. I don’t know what made me think this; but it hit me real bad when a friend of my mom, let’s call her Big Mouthed Bitch in the middle of a conversation during dinner last nite…
… bakpe gureed ngak tu… sayang jer… right to my face… I mean what the fuck right?! I was sitting across of her for God’s sake… curses to the Big Mouthed Bitch
I haven’t had such a slap in the face for a while now… it’s not like I go all out to get attention or anything like that… so why be fucking rude and say it to my face right?! Like it’s any of her business in the first place… I mean sheesh…
It’s probably a bad move to keep writing about this… I mean, there’s just no point… like I said earlier… I will not be depressed over these things. Besides, I am doing my share to society, I’d like to think I am a good son, and I am sure as hell a nice person… so I won’t let anyone let me think otherwise…
I’ll stop for now…
Bless…
~ShaZ

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

WeLcOmE bAcK

I was discussing about life and choices with Professor Nik on the way back from Kmpung Baru today. Traffic was quite heavy so we had a good thirty minutes before we arrived at UM. She has some good views to life and I can’t help but feel that somehow she understands me… to an extent anyways.
… people often fail to recognize the most valuable gift God has given us… choice... NMS
Some people just don’t understand the choices that I make… the paths I choose to walk. Perhaps people have different perceptions, or perhaps they don’t see what I see and want what I want… to me the peace that I have found is the most valuable thing and the best choice that I have made in my life thus far… I am not about to leave; to go abroad… not for the glamour. It wouldn’t be right. The consequences would be dire… I am sure of it. So I am sticking to the original plan… complete my MEngSc and PhD in Malaysia… in UM… that’s that then…
Sorry for the vague posts lately… I’ll be posting some pictures of the cacti that I got from Cameron Highlands…
Bless…
~ShaZ

Saturday, April 01, 2006

a NeW bEgiNniNg....

Hey boo…
One week since my last update… enough said, I am lazy… and depressed, and bitchy… well, maybe not bitchy, but almost…
So last weekend was fuckin’ wasted spent at Cameron Highlands… a workshop to improve research at the Department… yeah right… *wink*
All in all, I would say it was alright… enough said… I refuse to bitch about it!!! maybe I’ll post some pictures later… I wasn’t in charge of the camera so don’t expect anything worth looking at… all offence directed to the cameraman…
The week wasn’t to good too… many many losses…
The W click lost their hangout study place….
Let’s just say it’s become awfully silent after their gone… again enough said…
Let’s just start fresh… a new beginning…

About new beginnings
Fairuz: “… in two years…”
ShaZ: “… bring it on…” err… *looking all confused*

About Peace
“… I’ve found peace… it bothers me only because I let it… the choice is mine…”
“I choose PEACE!”

Bless…
~ShaZ

Friday, March 24, 2006

SpAsTiC...!!!

Hey boo,
I am not depressed anymore…
Acting all spastic really helps… went all silly one evening playing Frisbee and sitting on the road… heh…
This will be a short post so I hope the pictures are self explanatory…
Bottom line… me happy again!!!
Will be in Cameron Highlands for the weekend, so miss me okay…



The Frisbee team…



Me upside down…


Yes… we are on the road…

Mind the quality of the pictures… it was dusk…

Bless…
~ShaZ

Sunday, March 19, 2006

ReaLiZaTioN... hUrTs...

“Don’t make someone a priority if that person makes you an option”

I saw this on a friend’s MSN Messenger personal message… the timing was for lack of a better word… impeccable… I’ve been feeling like a pile of shit these past few days that even baking three dozens of chocolate muffins didn’t help… sometimes I just can’t help but feel that I get attached to thing rather to hastily and interpret gestures rather too emotionally… a flaw in my character… a flaw that always leaves me depressed and lonely… a smart friend of mine told me “… the internet doesn’t capture your true feelings… people can misinterpret…” and I am getting the first hand taste of how bitter misinterpretation can be… I realized a long long time ago how selfish and self-centered I could be… how I try to make things about me… how I don’t listen… and how I give away my trust and love so eagerly… only to selfishly expect trust and love in return… how insincerity and stupidity have crept into my heart…

If I know all this… why do I still complain?

… because it hurts… it hurts like hell… I’ve always felt that some that smiles and cannot be sincere about it is a very unlucky person… and Lord knows I try to be sincere…
*sigh*

A list:
How Stupid I Can Be…
A simple ‘Hello’ on IM would make me so happy;
A ‘Hey’ on IM returned with just another ‘Hey’ hurts me;
.
.
.

… this is too painful… I’ll stop here…

Bless…
~ShaZ

Thursday, March 16, 2006

mY FiRsT pOsT oN FooD!!!

Hello boo…
It’s almost a week since my last post… this can’t be good… I am getting lazy to post again… *sigh*
Life’s been rather hectic for me lately… even though I try my best to slack off every chance I get… and it’s quite often mind you… *wink* I’ve missed all my language classes this week… simply because I am occupied with work and I am too lazy too walk all the way to linguistics… it’s a pain I tell you… especially in the hot sun…
On Wednesday, I was really not in the mood for work… I guess some of my friends were on the same wavelength as well because a little after lunch we all ended up at MidValley… shoe shopping… well I wanted to get shoes anyway, but ended up with a nice mug from Starbucks…
Had a piece of cake at Strudels too… since everyone is into posting about food, I thought I’d give one go… this is my first picture of the cheese curl cake… recommended to all that can afford the calories and fat ass pigs who don’t give a damn like myself

It’s kinda late now… I’ll post more later…
Bless…
~ShaZ

Sunday, March 12, 2006

i MiSs yOu...

Never expected this weekend to turn out quite the way it did… I left the paperwork I was supposed to take home at the office… and I can’t tell whether that was deliberate or an accident… part of me is just crying out for a break I guess… from everything proper and things that needed to be done… right things… responsibilities… commitments… I think I need just some time away from that… maybe I am just whining… I shouldn’t whine… not when there are others with issues more significant than mere discomforts and uncertainties… but my heart still cries out…
In the past two days I’ve been chatting with a fellow blogger… one whose blog I frequent… and I’ve had a few revelations… the most part of it was me listening to him… trying to grasp his frustration in a relationship he thinks unanswered… but I am not going to talk about that… I am going to talk about my feelings… this mixed emotions that I am getting… I guess this was bound to happen… that feeling of not progressing… being left behind... it started again after the reunion in Kajang… I was looking at everyone and I was sincerely happy for them… whilst I was bombarded with work at the office and missing classes I so wanted to attend… so what does this have to do with the other guy…?! Well… even though I appear to be helping him get along a cope with his frustrations, my soul is actually begging for his friendship… I know that doesn’t make sense and sounds so gay… but it’s not… sometimes we just kept the silence while I stare at the monitor… even the presence was enough for me… I felt that it helped ease my pain… I can’t call it loneliness because I am not alone… but it sure feels like it… I miss someone but I don’t know who… and it hurts… it really hurts… and I am confused…
And I am not crazy…
This hurts too much… and I don’t know what to say…
For all that is Holy, bless all…
~ShaZ