aBouT GeTTinG oN wiTh LiFe...

... about life...

Hey Boo,

"Life is hard... but it is still good"

I read this in an email forwarded to me and I though to myself... Sometimes I complain too much about my life.

So:

1.
If you don't go to the gym and eat like a pig... You'll get fat! It's simple really!

2.
If you see an opportunity, grab it... If you don't it might just pass you by...

3.
Sometimes you do things that don't make much sense. At times these are required... Sacrifices need to be made... in order to progress nothing is beneath you! Nothing!

4.
Interesting conversation:

AAR: You look good...
Me: How so?
AAR: You look more calm...
Me: You know what that is?... ACCEPTANCE... *laughs*
AAR: *laughs* Yeah... You don't look bitchy...
Me: Hurmmm... the bitchiness has long drained away... *sobs in my heart*

5.
A new opportunity may arise... I'll grab this one for sure as soon as it materializes!

6.
Bill need to be paid... No matter how your monetary situation is...

7.
Afternoon shifts on the eve of Eid sucks!

8.
Meeting close friends is good for you! They give support and cheer you up... No fancy word required. It is as simple and as beautiful as that!

9.
I was labelled as complex! Sometimes I just think that equates to just plain CRAZY!

10.
If you're poor... You cannot afford to he lazy!

Bless...

~ShaZ

Sent from my iPhone

ToDaY's pOsT iS aBoUT pErCePTioNs...

... Perceptions...

Hey Boo,

Sometimes you need to put up a drama because people expect you to...

Sometimes... it's simply because you feel like throwing a fit...

Sometimes you put up a drama to... help?!

1. There are things that you can share with friends. There are things that you can share with your mother. There are things that you can share with your wife. There are things that you can share with your boss. And there are things that you can share on Twitter. But... there aren't many things that you can share with all! Different people will have different take on things. Not all will be forgiving. It's a fact!

2. Interesting conversation that I had with AAR:

Me: Is it okay if I flirted?!
AAR: Man or woman?
Me: Both.
AAR: Are you sleeping with them?
Me: Then it's not flirting. That's adultery.
AAR: True. Then it's okay!
Me: *smiles*

3. I am having all these reactions on twitter. Hurmmm.

4. I found out that my wife frequents my blog.

5. Change of Raya plans. Instead of Terengganu I am going back to my in-laws in Penang. Been so for the past three years. This is one of those I can't explain to all parties. Let it be. Say what you want. I am doing what I got to do.

6. I only bought two cargo shorts and two t-shirts for me in Bangkok. I'll just wear those and one of my old jeans for Raya.

7. I think I am most honest when I am with my iPhone. Hurmmm. I ought to just stop there!

8. I ought to find a job. But if I do I'd have to live with the monthly pay. How can I when we spend at least 6k a month. Who's going to give me 6k? No one that's who. But it's difficult. It is.

9. I finally got a new wallet. Courtesy of the Mrs. Thanks darls...

10. I feel so fat and bloated lately. After Raya I should make it a point to pickup where I left off at TF. I miss TF.

11. I had a can of Necafe's Mocha. The second can since... Things aren't always as bad as they seem. Only you make it as bad as it seems. Or even worse.

12. I am being vague for reasons in #1.

Bless...

~ShaZ

Sent from my iPhone

hEaDaChE...

Hey Boo,

I missed the last few days of blogging.

1. Life seems a bit confusing after I came back from Bangkok. Perhaps 5 days out of sync. So many things out of control.

2. Bills to pay!!! Bills to pay!!!

3. I am slowly getting more addicted yo Twitter! Who's to say it's a bad thing. I am happy after all.

4. My thesis... Enough said. I really really really need to jumpstart the damned thing back into action.

5. Guilt: do I feel guilty? Hurmmm. I don't know. But I don't think so.

6. I am having such a headache. I need a break. Wasn't five days in Bangkok enough?! No it was not. Not at all!!!

Bless...

ShaZ

ReMoRsE... iT cHaNgeS pEoPLe!

Hey Boo,

My only bother is that it doesn't really bother me. My remorse is that I don't feel remorse.

1. I always tell my friends: "Draw a line and never ever cross it". What if I didn't draw a line. What if I didn't want to draw a line. I am confused.

2. Bangkok has been really draining. We went on a shopping spree all over Bangkok... Whizzing from Pratunam Centre to MBK to Yaowarat to JatuJak and back. OMG. But it's quite an experience and I think we were quite objective and we didn't do bad at all. Not at all bad!

3. I wanted to spoil myself silly here. But in these 5 days I only managed one foot massage and one oil massage. Both of which I enjoyed. I'll miss Bangkok for this.

4. I am changed! Enough said.

changed

5. I look forward to going home. Even if it is in a cramped airplane. AirAsia sucks sometimes but it gets us there!!! Cheaper!!!

6. I need a private blog!

7. I miss more people now. Is that okay? Is there a norm or some sort of guideline to who you can and cannot miss? I need yo think about this!

Bless...

~ShaZ

tRy To pOsT ViA eMaiL

Hey Boo,

Hope this works...

bAnGkOK...

Hey Boo,

The flight to Bangkok got delayed. Have some time so I thought I'd blog. 

1. I typed the post halfway yesterday and fell asleep. Hurmm. Must've been pretty tired. 

2. Not much progress with AAR yesterday. Too many distractions in my opinion. But work is work.

3. Met a really nice guy on twitter. He's studying medicine in Egypt. It's been a while since I've felt that way chatting with someone. :-) wonder how old he is though.

4. Still on chapter 2 for the thesis. I don't like that there's no progress. Don't know how different I should do things though. 

5. I miss meanie...

6. It's too bad I cannot post pictures from my iPhone onto my blog. 

Bless...

~ShaZ

cOmPLeTe wAsTe...

Hey Boo,

Today was a complete waste!

1. I felt so drained. I slept for half an hour in the afternoon. I have not done this for ages. It must be all this activity...
2. I was accused for not paying attention... For not talking... I don't know how else to act. Perhaps I was wrong. For the sake of those under my care, I am going to let this one slide. I am going to man up and just bear with it.
3. Tonight I am working late again. I wish it wouldn't be turned into an excuse! Amen.
4. Chapter 2 has not moved for days. I hate this.
5. I miss going to the gym. I feel so lethargic and bloated. I wish I could squeeze an extra 3 hours each day for gym. I was talking to AAR, he's right... At the gym we are disconnected from all this nonsense from our lives. We are there to workout. Absolutely rejuvenating!

I miss going to the gym...

6. I hope I can squeeze in some time for Chapter 2 tonight.
7. I miss meanie.
Bless...
~ShaZ

ShE DiDn'T BiTe mY HeaD oFF...

Hey Boo,

List of excuses for missing daily posts:

1: life has been pretty hectic these past few days.

2: mixed feeling causes emotional confusion.

3: tension, tension and more tension. Draining effect on my emotional being!

Haha...

Talk about being a spoilt and selfish bitch person.

She didn’t bite my head off (from Friday)

1. I went to see Prof. Nik on Friday. I was in IPS to settle registrations matters and I saw her car, so I figured I’d drop in to say hi... sooner or later I am going to have to see her anyway, so why not now.

2. Sometimes you get carried away... especially when making someone out to be the monster. In this case, on this particular day (I should say), she’s not the monster after all. She was quite nice really. I was and still am happy for this.

I am happy with this!

Bless…

~ShaZ

wRiTe sOmEtHinG iN tHe moRNiNg...

Hey Boo,

Let’s start today’s post in the morning for a change.

1. Yesterday was almost a complete waste. I made very little progress on Chapter 2. Even though the idea was there, opportunity to sit quietly and calmly in front of my notebook decided to be scarce. How funny life turns out to be sometimes. But it’s okay. Today is another day, and we have decided not to give up. Yet!

2. I dreamt that I met meanie last night. And we had a conversation. I am having mixed feelings about this but I feel good... closure, after all, is not always putting things a box and storing it in the attic... maybe I don’t want to forget. How about that huh?

3. Apparently, the little drama in DOE is not over. Well, it doesn’t concern me much. I am just taking notice because of my private FB invasion earlier. I should go by don’t know don’t care with this one.

4. I am going to Bangkok next week. I plan to spoil myself rotten there. The mission now is to conclude this damned thesis before I fly...

I have many plans to spoil myself rotten!

5. Business seems to be catching up. Which is a good thing because no matter how much I like lazing about at home doing whatever I like, one needs money to get by on this earth. Closed a few deals. Alhamdulillah.

6. I have more friends connected to me virtually than in real life. Is this healthy? Well, I guess it’s because I don’t go out much. I am happy to be finally connected to Ahmad Fairuz, Nellisa Hilman, Aznatasya and Sasha again. How I miss talking with them.

7. I have the mind of a bitch. Every time I start to work (on my thesis especially) and someone or something interrupts me. My mind automatically switches to the “I am a victim in all this” mode. This is selfish, I know it is. I can’t help it. At least by knowing I can refrain myself from acting on it. Silence in this case is best!

8. I feel smothered sometimes. It would not be appropriate to talk about losing freedom because of responsibilities as a father, as a husband, as a son, as a brother and as a student. I know this but I can’t help but miss the times of freedom that I had. Perhaps everyone feels this way. I don’t know. I love my family too much. So it’s fine. It’s an emotional investment that I am considering as profitable. This is contradicting and it doesn’t make sense. But hey... what does?!

Bless...

~ShaZ

BiTs anD PieCeS oF mY ThOuGhTs...

Dear Boo,

Here we are, another day has passed and still I am overdue...

1. The thing I find most sad is, whilst I am struggling for progress, it’s the ones that I love most that are emotionally tolling me most. This is a selfish statement. I know very well that it is... but it is honestly how I feel. Perhaps they are unintentional but painful and draining nonetheless.

2. I would like to talk about meanie as well. For some reason the meanie issue never seems to be completely flushed out of my system. I am still touched. meanie still occupies my thoughts. How stupid I am. I know this. But still, I refuse to smart up... refuse to man up. Sometimes I think that there may be some truth in meanie’s accusation. Silly me.

3. AAR has been very helpful. More than anyone else now…

4. For reasons that I am unaware of, I find myself preferring silence off late. I guess it is because of the many unreasonable situations and conversations that I’ve had to put up with, I have lost taste altogether for talking. I’d rather be silent. But silence begets crisis for reasons I also don’t comprehend. Ironically, conversations lead to arguments, and arguments leads to silence, and silence as we have established, begets crisis. So I figured, I’d cut down the work and start with silence!

5. Sometimes I feel like running away!

... contemplate running away...

6. It is 1:00am and I am still in UM. Sadly, Chapter 2 is still not behind me. I guess I should make haste for home and continue there.

7. I installed TweetDeck on my PC and iPhone and I like it very much!

8. Drama should not be allowed to run too long. They get out of hand! Some people are better suited for an incubated environment!

9. I think men are beautiful!

10. Facebook, Twitter, Whatsapp and emails keep my face buried on my iPhone.

11. I love everything that is Pink!

Bless…

~ShaZ

NoThiNg gOeS uNBiLLeD...!!!

Dear Boo,
1. I am going to make it a point to have at least one post here each day... or at least try my best to do so. I feel that I am slowly losing my ability to write... I am not saying that I was or am any good, but at least I am able to put something down in words.

Nothing goes unbilled:

2. AAR make it a point to come back after Ttarawikh to help me with my thesis even though he is obviously very tired but not willing to admit it. I don’t know if I’ll have anyone else do this for me, friend or even family for that matter.

3. Faridah calls every now and then to let me speak with Alia... playing the guilt card. It’s working!

4. I have made progress on Chapter 2. It was choppy and there was no flow before. Thanks to AAR no there’s some direction and I see what I have to do and how I can finish it. My initial problem was that I wanted something I thought to be perfect too much, which made me stuck!

5. I feel sick and irritated by how some people can blow nothing into something out of proportions... I hate that they are counterproductive. Most of all, I hate that for reason unworthy my precious album on FB is being scrutinized and I’ve had to make some things private... I hate that!

6.I had to tip-toe and sneak myself around the department today lest I met my supervisor. My fear was fueled by the fact that I have nothing to say to her. I made promises which I couldn’t keep, or rather didn’t keep. Somewhere in my head I fear that in the end she will not take my thesis. :(

7. “"I know you've somehow lost faith in yourself for a while... but keep on this last mile... I know you can do it!" ~AAR

8. I have stolen this numbered style from Tun Dr. Mahathir and I find it most effective. It’s much easier to channel your ideas in small packets.

9. Tweetdeck is fantastic... I simply love it!

10. I have to start making a list to “to dos” everyday!

11. I shouldn’t sweat the little things. Even though it’s easier to play victim, sometimes it more virtuous to just be the villain!

Bless...

~ShaZ~

TWitEr and FouRsQuaRe...

Yesterday I joined twitter and foursquare. Now I don't know what to do with them...

*sigh*

2010

It's week 4 of 2010... So what have I got to show for myself for 2009? Heh??? As I am typing this the first thought that comes to mind is: "huh??? It's 2010 already?"

I guess being too comfortable makes you lose your bearing on time. I have never thought of myself as an achiever... I guess that's why I have never really bothered with much in life. I just go through my routine day after day. And before I know it... Bam... It's 2010.

It's like I've slept through the whole year. No achievements to show for. Darn it.

Well. This is another year. Let's see if this one counts then.

Bless.

ShaZ

Feelings...

Hey Boo,

It's funny how you constantly remind and force yourself not to care about something... but turn out to care about it anyway... Well, when it comes to matters of the heart and feelings, logic doesn't really apply anymore I guess. But, with my vast and wide experiences a plastic smile is always managed when the situation warrants it. I am not saying that I like giving out plastic smiles nor am I condoning it. It's just that some instances makes it more just to be plastic. Hmmmpphhh. I hate the feeling really. But as people say... "nak jaga hati orang" so I am just going to stomach it.

Bottom line... In this case it is more responsible to be pretentious.

Bles...

~ShaZ

Lesson in life: Know your place!

Dear Boo,

It's not a new thing but I feel that I need to keep telling myself this again and again. I never seem to learn...

Acceptance it would appear, doesn't come easy with everyone. The worst mistake one could ever make is to accept others as equal one others perceive one as less. Well... I am not alien to being treated such. But it really doesn't make it any less painful. Well, I guess it's God's way of giving me a whiff of my own medicine. Hmmmpphhh. I remember how I used to despise being compared to some effeminate celebrity. Then I realised one thing. I was only angry because I thought myself better than these people. Which was entirely unfair and unjust of me. But I am okay now. I really do understand the feeling. Again, it doesn't make any less painful. You need to keep telling yourself sometimes... that you're not any less of a person just for being yourself. If only those around you were not always such a hypocrite. I shouldn't be angry or spiteful though. Just because I am comfortable with myself doesn't make it right for me to force others to give up their battle to fit in as "normal". Hahaha. Good luck people.

Hang on... Back to the lesson. So, if you sense that you don't belong or fit in... That's probably because you don't! So unless you want to subject yourself or others to some agony... steer clear!

I learnt my lesson. For now at least...
As the saying goes...

"... manja pada yang sayang..."

Btw, this iPhone blogging is really quite convenient. I get to ramble whenever and whereever I want. How's that for technology!!!!

Ok then.

Bless...

~ShaZ

Blogger Lite on iPhone

Dear Boo,

This is first post on blogger lite. Let's see if blogging on iPhone helps bring you back to life.

ShaZ