iNsPiRaTioN...

MSO has inspired me to write again... dear sweet MSO...

wHy oH wHy?

Hey Boo,

Today turned out quite well for me... I managed to haul myself to the gym and managed to get some work done afterward...

I met my Personal Trainer to be... Nora... she’s young but easy to get along with... they all are actually... but I am going to give it a go anyways... I really do need to lose those pounds... today I weighed 86kgs! Or at least that’s what the scale shows. Much work to be done... enough said.



much much much work to be done...

...

...

...

Hmmmm...

...

You know something Boo...?!

These past few days I can’t get my mind of X... everything I see that reminds me of X stresses me out... as if the thought of X drains me of my energy. I know it’s happening... but I just don’t know why...

Why me?

Why now?

Why ever?

Why does it affect me so?

I am doing that talking to myself thing again Boo... I was telling myself yesterday how stupid I was for letting this happen... for thinking too much of it... of X... this is wrong... so wrong... I should stop!

...

Damn I could use a venti hazelnut hot chocolate now... damn X...



Why? Why? Why? Oh why do I feel like I don’t want to be free from X...


Maybe it’s the damned I care problem...

I should stop... yeah you probably should bitch...

Bless...

~ShaZ

PiCKinG uP wHeRe yOu LeFt oFF...

Hey Boo,

Picking up where you left off is not so easy... especially with blogging... you just don’t keep the pace if you don’t practice. I remember that I used to be able to cough out a post every single day... and I just wrote about nothing... about everything... but now... it’s just becoming more and more difficult... but some people say that old habits die hard... so I guess I’ll cling on to that. After all it just requires practice.

You know what..?! This is exactly how it is with my thesis as well... you know when I get started it becomes easier... but getting started... well... getting started is always a bitch...

And the bitch gets bigger and bigger each day... and before you realise it you’re already in deep shit trouble! You wake up feeling confused and angry; and stupid; and all things not nice.



Damn it! Where did I go wrong?! Why had I left writing my thesis pending too long... why didn’t I prioritise? Why? Why? Why?

*sigh*

So...

My baby is coming... Faridah is due next month. The doctor says it will be some time around 14th March; but her feet is often swollen and stuff which is a sign that it is close I was told; so I guess we could expect anything at this point in time. Well... at least the shopping part is done and over. So as far as requisites in terms of supplies I am somewhat ready. Although I need to get the baby cot out of the storeroom so I could air out the thing... mentally I am taking this one day at a time... excited... but one day at a time I keep telling myself. I am still trying to get used to husband-hood and now I have to get into father-hood pulak... one day at a time...

Well... on another note. She’s still nagging me every day to get our own place... I don’t understand why is it so difficult for her to understand my situation... or her refusal to understand. I guess when I told her to dream on she thought I was kidding... but I don’t understand why and don’t know how much more I could actually take... much more I suppose... but sometimes... I ask myself “what did I ever do to have to (take it)”... I shouldn’t say anymore... *sigh*

Bless...

~ShaZ

FaCeBooK

Hey Boo,

I have just added this blog to the notes function on FB... Evidently all my posts will appear on my profile on FB... the import was smooth and easy... all I had to do was key in the URL and all my previous posts were imported onto the notes function... easy peasy... the only thing is... do I really want this much exposure...?! Another point worth mentioning is: there is NO undo function! Haha...

So, the first thing that comes to mind was: OMG, there goes my privacy...

Then, I thought: Who the hell will bother with my lengthy and boring posts..?!

No one... that’s who... so all in all I guess it’s not that bad.

... relieved...



Maybe this will give me some motivation to pick up blogging again... I also need to look into recovering my old posts lost to that WordPress ordeal...

Bless...

~ShaZ

nEw mE pRoJecT!!!

Hey boo,

I hereby launch the NEW ME PROJECT...!

Current status...



and the target...



hehe

I know... I know.... but one can dream...

Bless...

~ShaZ

yOu GiVe aNd hUrT!

Hey Boo,

History has a funny way of repeating itself... the players are different, the plot may be a bit different... but in the end the whole story line is just the SAME!!! Well... this bitch just doesn’t seem to learn. That’s my problem... I get attached to quickly... far too quickly for many. I guess it’s like putting a relationship on steroids lah I guess... it will flourish at first but after that just thwart and die... or worst still, jump back up all mutated and bites you right in the ASS or stab you in the neck!

So this is my story...

I have this funny habit of getting attached to people... especially those I am stuck with for long periods of time. Most of the time I try to keep to myself but at times you just give way... what the heck... you say... then you start to care! This is the biggest mistake! Don’t care! Never ever care! If you don’t care you don’t get hurt. It’s simple really... doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out... but saying it is one thing. Most of the time you heart is too stupid to know better... and you care... for the love of god you care...

then there’s this other problem...

when you care... you give... you give with all your heart. You share thoughts. You give and give and give... but sometimes, what you give is misunderstood... misinterpreted... you are accused of this horrible horrible horrible HORRIBLE thing... and it is entirely untrue. Which is why is hurts... and because you care, it hurts so much more.

So much much more.

This is the second time in the past two months this has happened... perhaps it is not them... perhaps it is ME... I don’t know... but logic tells you that everyone else cannot be wrong.
Still it hurts!

Damn right it hurts!

And it gets worse... yes it really does!

When I look back... all those things I did... those things I gave... they were all WRONG! WRONG! WRONG! So wrong in so many ways...
So now I have to let go... no matter how painful it is... I am working hard... to let go... to forget!

This probably means nothing to all of you out there... but to me it’s a lesson... a very important one.

Beri pada yang minta...
Manja pada yang saying...
Minta pada yang ada...


Bless...

ShaZ

NuMa NuMa

Hey Boo,

something to cheer us up...

a NeW dAy hAs cOmE...

Boo,

It's been a while since I have posted anything... a whole lot has happened... I guess that ordeal with WordPress put me off... such a let down... two years worth of posts... all down the drain. In a way I guess it's like being able to erase those time from my memories. Although not all were bad. In fact, looking back now... I haven't much to complain for... not much at all.

So...

Updates...

Well... let's start from November 07'

I got engaged on the 11th November 2007. A few weeks after the loss of my late brother in law to liver cancer.

I quit UM at the end of March 2008 and joined Solution Engineering Sdn Bhd in April 2008... after a month I decided it wasn't the job for me and I left to rejoin UM as Prof. Nik's research assistant. After a month.... I decided that wasn't for me (yep... again!) what a bitch I turned out to be ... and now here I am... unemployed... but I am happy... and fat... but that's another issue.

My thesis... now that's an issue... yeah bitch!!!
Well... since then... I have made progress... not............!!!!! How do I put it... I am not more now than I was right after I graduated... aside from being fat and older...

Well... I guess life has a funny way of progressing...

I guess this is a good start towards a new beginning... may there be many many many posts to come...

In the meantime... gawk at this...




Amen...

ShaZ

Back here?!

Hey boo,

At this point I can say I've finally given up on reviving my previous Wordpress blog. It's just useless... I know I'd just be attacked by some spambot again. I hate the fact that I'd be losing about a year's worth of posts. But losing a year is better than losing everything I guess.

Bless...

I've MoVeD...

Hey all,
I know it's a little late to be announcing... but I've moved my blog HERE

cOuRtiNg diSasTeR...

Hey boo,
I just know I am courting disaster at work by taking up too many things... well, actually it's not too many but with my lack of progress anything more can't be a good thing... but I am thinking 'some people work better under pressure' and I figured a little more could give me that little pressure I need... to get some action finally...
So, I enrolled myself on an online Masters level course from DTU (Netherlands) on Environmental Management... Today was my first day, having an online class... quite the experience... this is how my classroom looks like.

the class left for lunch and I need something to eat too... you can see the lecturer there...
Gosh I have so much to b*tch about lately... but so little time to do it...
maybe tomorrow... hehehe
Bless...

SiCk...

Hey boo...
today I got my very first medical leave (mc) from my doctor... I've never taken sick leave ever... and that tradition didn't break... to my stubbornness, I stayed in UM the whole day... f*ck was it a bad idea...
Now, I've swallowed tonnes of pills, nauseated, hungry (but cannot eat), and bloody feverish... hope i make it home tonight in one piece... ameen...
bless all of you...
~ShaZ

a GifT fRoM a FrEn...

Thanx Salam...
here we go...a lil' promo for you...

wtf...?!

Was doing my thing when I came accross this... WTF?!
Under Construction writes about how you can get in trouble with yer bloggies...
you can't shit without getting in trouble eh?!
heh...?! how's that for anti-establishment... *wink*

wtf...?!

After walking in the dreadful heat from Dewan Tunku Canselor... I can still smile... I was in charge of calling out the names of graduates from the Chemical Engineering Dept.... heh...

so... baby hippo or baby cow?!!! calf u idiot

TeN miSeRabLe dAyS iNtO 25...

So it really has been ten miserable days into my twenty-fifth year on earth and I am still clueless... still getting daily lectures from this reflection of me saying "... where the fuck do you think you are going?!.... hey guess what, it's a new year and you're still a bitch... geez man you FAT..." and every now and then "... fuck you dang you, make yourself useful why don't... go screw some gurls or something..." and if I get really lucky "FUCK OFF!!!"
Actually, reflecting my current situation (to others) I haven't much to complain about... there you go bicth... contradict yourself... I am quite comfortable here in UM... getting my monthly paycheck on the 23rd of every month, lecturing one to two hours four days a week, and watering the assortment of cacti that is my collection every Wednesdays. Heh!?
Ramblings aside...
updates are called for...

aBouT mE...

Tagged by Bill/Will. Lets see, ahems......... here we go

10 YEARS AGO I WAS :
a virgin;
just registered to this HellHole called Sekolah Menengah Sultan Abdul Samad after being abroad for a few years. Joining the Malaysian education system straight into Form 3 is not recommended. There’re subjects like BM, Geog, History, and Islamic Religion that are totally alien subjects to me… I was placed in a ‘bad’ class… had a feel of what it’s like in a delinquent class…
fat and I weighted more than 90 kgs at that time.

5 YEARS AGO I WAS :
still a virgin;
19 years old…

1 YEAR AGO I WAS :
still a virgin;
still 19 years old…;
CEO of a company; Living in a luxury condo on Gurney Drive, Penang;
never thinking about my spendings;
fit… shit what am I doing here now?!

YESTERDAY I WAS :
working in my office until almost 10 pm…;
laid… yeah, like that’ll ever happen here…;
writing my research project progress report for the HR office to extend my work contract;
blogging.

5 MOST RECENT SONGS I LISTENED TO :
May It Be - Enya
Jezebel - Sade
No Scrub - TLC
Hips Don’t Lie - Shakira
Falling in to you – Celine Dion

5 SONGS I KNOW ALL THE WORDS TO :
Don’t Speak – No Doubt
errmm….
Hmmm…
Baa Baa Black Sheep
Twnikle Twinkle Little Star…
this is hard… and pathetic…

IDEAL PLACES FOR RUNNING AWAY TO :
HOME
HOME
HOME

5 THINGS I REALLY WANT :
My Masters Degree
A new notebook…
A raise -stole this from Will
a set of ½” tubular membrane set for MWCO of 50k, 100k, 150k and 200k
I want my 32” waist again…

5 THINGS I SHOULD BE DOING RIGHT NOW :
Running my experiments;
Writing my report;
Reading the ten thousand journal papers on my desk;
Drinking coffee;
I am going to say drinking coffee again.

5 BIGGEST JOYS IN MY LIFE :
Family
Friends
my PS2
Family…
errr Family…!!!

5 PEOPLE I TAG :
I don’t think that many people come here… anyways I tag:
FaRaH
Sleepin Beauty
Yenshiong
NeLLe
AmaT tue kutuk!!! coz I have noone else

Performancing...?!

Hey Boo...
So today I was doing some housekeeping for my PC and found some nice extensions for Firefox... Performancing... helps you post onto your blogs... I think it's cool...
We'll try more tomorrow okay... Bless...
~ShaZ

mY LiFe

Hey boo,

I’ve been really tired lately… investing most of my life into work and education. I leave home at seven in the morning everyday and I don’t come back until after 8 pm. It seems that the more I put in, the more things come up… what’s worse is all these things are little donkey errands that no one wants. The kind of work that nobody cares to appreciate… and being the junior staff makes me the default candidate for these things.

Then there’s also my research work… which is stagnant by the way; and it’s my entire damned fault because I don’t have the freakin’ heart to say “… this is not in my f*&king job description… so go &*%$ yourself!”
So I guess I was fated to run errands… I really shouldn’t say more…

Getting down on work… what do you do when going home at 8 pm everyday is not enough to get work done?
disconnect the damn computer at the office and lug the blasted thing home…

So… back to work then…

Bless…
~ShaZ

QueAsY

Hey boo…
I’ve had 3 cups of coffee, a cup of Milo and a cup earl grey… and I am feeling a bit queasy from reading too many articles from Science Direct so I thought I’d check in for a quick post…
Yesterday was my first meet with our new Vice Chancellor… Datuk Rafiah Salim… she delivered the officiating speech for UM Graduate Month 2006 and I was quite impressed. I like her speech.
Oh dear… I guess queasiness is getting to me… so I’ll stop here…
Bless…
~ShaZ