It’s my fourth day here in Hong Kong and the last time I saw the sun shine was minutes before touchdown in Hong Kong International Airport. It was and is still like the whole place was shrouded with white cloud. Visibility is not so good too. It is so misty and hazy I could barely see past the harbour. Hmmm... the temperature is a nice 18 degrees thought. Cool enough not to make you sweat but warm enough so you don’t have to put on a jacket. I could get used to this...
MSO,
For some reason I can’t get meanie out of my mind. I was lying in bed yesterday and *BAM*... meanie... it was instinctively that I grabbed my P1i and started browsing on memories of meanie... for the first time in five months I am finally able to look at meanie and smile...
I miss meanie...
Then something hadn’t expected happened. I missed my wife... I miss our one sided arguments... I missed being with someone... I miss MSO... I miss SI...
Maybe... just maybe... the loneliness puts out the anger... just like love cancels hate... I don’t know. It’s silly. But like many times before I feel like I am ready to move on again.
One day at a time then
About acceptance and about lying to oneself...
Dear meanie,
If I had another chance to answer... I’d say I don’t know... I’d say I really truly honestly don’t know... I’d say I meant no harm... I meant not any discomfort... I meant not any spite... and I hadn’t meant to care so much. I’d say I was stupid... I’d say I was foolish... I’d say I was selfish... I’d say I unknowingly took advantage... I’d say please don’t hate me... I’d say give me a second chance...
But I didn’t...
I said sorry instead.... I said sorry... I was... I am... but I wasn’t just that... I am not just that... I don’t know anymore... I don’t.
This doesn’t mean anything...
I am sorry... for everything... I am sorry for me... I am sorry for honesty...
Yours,
*X*x*x*X*
That’s it...
Bless...
~ShaZ
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