rEmiNiScE

Hey Boo,
It’s been a difficult month for me. Deadlines and promises really do catch up to you somehow... whether you like it or not. Funny how life has all this surprises installed for you. The things that you least expected sometimes just pops up. Well… I am sure it’d be pretty boring otherwise eh?! Hmmm…
The meanie ordeal is unfortunately still haunting me. Somehow a day is not complete; a blog post is not complete; unless I put meanie into the equation. I don’t understand my obsession to torture myself over this but I just can’t help myself. I have found out that meanie still hates me though. I constantly still ask myself where I went wrong or what I could’ve done differently…
...

MiSeRy...

Dear Boo,
Terengganu turned out to be very pleasant. It turned out the wedding wasn’t the main event after all. The whole trip... the time in the car, the food adventure, the hotel room, the sleep over at Tok Su’s, and the drive back... was something I really needed. I am glad I went along for the trip. When Aziz called on Saturday asking if we could meet on Sunday I was a little disappointed that we had to leave so quickly. But then again it was like I expect to be disappointed so I wasn’t really bothered too much by it...
That’s how I am taking life day by day for now... I just accept... just do as I am told... just do as per requested...
I know it sounds miserable and all but actually it is quite alright. I mean just saying yes to everything is much easier. I mean if meanie thinks that I am the worst possible being to ever exist on earth; there must be something wrong right? I must’ve been pretty awful right?! So the least I could do is accommodate wherever and whenever possible. Perhaps then I will not be such an awful person to be around... *sigh*
I really don’t understand why I am still clinging to this... it has been months now... there’s plenty to keep my mind busy but somehow I can’t keep it out of my head for more than a day at a time... it is like a malignant cancer that keeps coming back... I really hope that I can just walk away from all this... go to Europe... Mallorca as Salam suggested... but there’s so much things to do... so many commitments...

I miss...


... memories

This is really becoming an obsession... an obsession to make my life miserable...
Well... at least I have some theories on the problem... we’ll take another day to work on this...
Bless...
~ShaZ

diSTrAcTiOnS

Hey Boo,
It’s funny how when your mind is busy with work all the pain is taken away. It acts like anesthetics for the aches in your heart I suppose. Honestly, I could really use the distractions. How sick is that? I need someone to distract me from all my distractions… how’s that for being sick in the head eh?!
I will be driving back to Terengganu for a wedding for the weekend. I am looking forward to this particular distraction.
Bless...
~ShaZ

nEw mE pRoJecT... aDDiTiOnS...

Dear Boo,

Maybe I should focus on losing weight... that’ll take my mind off things for a moment... have been feeling a little heavy lately...

Bless...

~ShaZ