Friday, March 24, 2006

SpAsTiC...!!!

Hey boo,
I am not depressed anymore…
Acting all spastic really helps… went all silly one evening playing Frisbee and sitting on the road… heh…
This will be a short post so I hope the pictures are self explanatory…
Bottom line… me happy again!!!
Will be in Cameron Highlands for the weekend, so miss me okay…



The Frisbee team…



Me upside down…


Yes… we are on the road…

Mind the quality of the pictures… it was dusk…

Bless…
~ShaZ

Sunday, March 19, 2006

ReaLiZaTioN... hUrTs...

“Don’t make someone a priority if that person makes you an option”

I saw this on a friend’s MSN Messenger personal message… the timing was for lack of a better word… impeccable… I’ve been feeling like a pile of shit these past few days that even baking three dozens of chocolate muffins didn’t help… sometimes I just can’t help but feel that I get attached to thing rather to hastily and interpret gestures rather too emotionally… a flaw in my character… a flaw that always leaves me depressed and lonely… a smart friend of mine told me “… the internet doesn’t capture your true feelings… people can misinterpret…” and I am getting the first hand taste of how bitter misinterpretation can be… I realized a long long time ago how selfish and self-centered I could be… how I try to make things about me… how I don’t listen… and how I give away my trust and love so eagerly… only to selfishly expect trust and love in return… how insincerity and stupidity have crept into my heart…

If I know all this… why do I still complain?

… because it hurts… it hurts like hell… I’ve always felt that some that smiles and cannot be sincere about it is a very unlucky person… and Lord knows I try to be sincere…
*sigh*

A list:
How Stupid I Can Be…
A simple ‘Hello’ on IM would make me so happy;
A ‘Hey’ on IM returned with just another ‘Hey’ hurts me;
.
.
.

… this is too painful… I’ll stop here…

Bless…
~ShaZ

Thursday, March 16, 2006

mY FiRsT pOsT oN FooD!!!

Hello boo…
It’s almost a week since my last post… this can’t be good… I am getting lazy to post again… *sigh*
Life’s been rather hectic for me lately… even though I try my best to slack off every chance I get… and it’s quite often mind you… *wink* I’ve missed all my language classes this week… simply because I am occupied with work and I am too lazy too walk all the way to linguistics… it’s a pain I tell you… especially in the hot sun…
On Wednesday, I was really not in the mood for work… I guess some of my friends were on the same wavelength as well because a little after lunch we all ended up at MidValley… shoe shopping… well I wanted to get shoes anyway, but ended up with a nice mug from Starbucks…
Had a piece of cake at Strudels too… since everyone is into posting about food, I thought I’d give one go… this is my first picture of the cheese curl cake… recommended to all that can afford the calories and fat ass pigs who don’t give a damn like myself

It’s kinda late now… I’ll post more later…
Bless…
~ShaZ

Sunday, March 12, 2006

i MiSs yOu...

Never expected this weekend to turn out quite the way it did… I left the paperwork I was supposed to take home at the office… and I can’t tell whether that was deliberate or an accident… part of me is just crying out for a break I guess… from everything proper and things that needed to be done… right things… responsibilities… commitments… I think I need just some time away from that… maybe I am just whining… I shouldn’t whine… not when there are others with issues more significant than mere discomforts and uncertainties… but my heart still cries out…
In the past two days I’ve been chatting with a fellow blogger… one whose blog I frequent… and I’ve had a few revelations… the most part of it was me listening to him… trying to grasp his frustration in a relationship he thinks unanswered… but I am not going to talk about that… I am going to talk about my feelings… this mixed emotions that I am getting… I guess this was bound to happen… that feeling of not progressing… being left behind... it started again after the reunion in Kajang… I was looking at everyone and I was sincerely happy for them… whilst I was bombarded with work at the office and missing classes I so wanted to attend… so what does this have to do with the other guy…?! Well… even though I appear to be helping him get along a cope with his frustrations, my soul is actually begging for his friendship… I know that doesn’t make sense and sounds so gay… but it’s not… sometimes we just kept the silence while I stare at the monitor… even the presence was enough for me… I felt that it helped ease my pain… I can’t call it loneliness because I am not alone… but it sure feels like it… I miss someone but I don’t know who… and it hurts… it really hurts… and I am confused…
And I am not crazy…
This hurts too much… and I don’t know what to say…
For all that is Holy, bless all…
~ShaZ

Friday, March 10, 2006

PiCs

looking forward to post some pictures....
abducted the camera from the office :P

Saturday, March 04, 2006

sCaRy...

Hello boo…
It’s been a while eh?! Life’s just getting so hectic nowadays… it’s not fun to run around anymore… I used to run around for classes to attend… now I am running around for classes to attend, classes to teach, meetings to attend, deadlines to meet and even friends to meet… yeah, I have to steal time to meet friends…
Considering the lat update here was Thursday last week, the traffics seems to still be okay… by my standards where two or three readers that leaves comments is okay… anyways, most of the readership here comes from friends that I personally know, and a few that I have become quite fond of on the net… but that’s not what we’re going to talk about here today… today’s topic is somewhat more supernatural…
I have been targeting and telling myself that I’d get all my work done, and make sure the to-do-list in my office reduces to zero or at least to one or two… so I have been staying back every single day of the week… I stayed until 3:30 am on Monday, 10 pm on Tuesday, 8ish and 9ish for the rest of the week… but something happened on Thursday that is out of the ordinary…
I usually prefer not stay alone, but I was quite alright staying back this week because there were a few students studying in the discussion room across of my office… that day I saw some bags there so I assumed there’d be some studying there… so I called home and told them to pick me up at 9 pm…
So I was alone the whole time because I found out later the students didn’t turn up until about 10 that night… well... back to the story… I was preparing a course module presentation on Air Pollution Impacts on Health for MTech (masters of Technology) students for Prof. Nik that night… it was more quiet than usual… I noticed that much…
A little before 9 pm, my office phone rang… and I picked up… there was this squeaky sound and a whisper saying something like “muuuuuu waaakkkkk meendeeee tuuuuuu…” it was so scary… I couldn’t tell who it was… and I don’t think it’s anyone from my family because the person or thing had Terengganu accent… it was damn freaky… I hung up… then it rang again… this time there was just some tapping background noise… I was freaked… I was like “Hello…? Hello…?” and I hung up… well… not really supernatural yet… because it could have been some stupid ass who found out my telephone number trying to scare me… and had a Terengannu dialect (as do I mind you) … but personally, I had a bad feeling… like it wasn’t human… but I am not thinking too much about it… or I’ll be too scared to go to work… but no one in my family has my office number, and my friends don’t have that dialect… so that freaks me a little…
Oh well… that’s that…
Bless…
~ShaZ

Thursday, March 02, 2006

woRk... wOoT?!...

Hey boo,
I’ve been up since a quarter to six… or rather Es siete menos cuarto por la mañana in españa… hehe just learnt that on Tuesday…
I have been like super duper busy this week… remember I said that work has a way of sneaking up on you and it will butfuck you to kingdom come if it catches up… well, now I am really sure of it… I’ve been attempting to get rid of all my outstanding assignments and it is one hell of a task. On Monday, I was working all day staying at the office until half past three in the morning. I was able to make some progress, getting started on the brochure design, finishing up the IPPP Research Bulletin, and manage to tidy up my office a little… Monday morning was totally wasted in UKM attending the wastewater seminar by Merck… I shouldn’t have gone… anyways, I managed to convince Dr. Ngoh to leave during lunch because I had French class at two… so we did… I arrived just on time… well, actually I was late but Mon Professeur was even tardier than I am *wink*… so Monday was action packed… well, bore-packed is more like it… no one wanted to come pick me up because it was like super late… so I got my ever faithful student Fairus to send me back…
I would’ve stayed longer on Monday if it weren’t for the presentations by the first year students that I have to attend… and assess… I think they were rather okay… *sigh* I have to assess the third year students’ presentation today… it’s a wonder how the lecturers go through this year after year… but it’s not that bad really, I mean it’s just a few days after all… anyways… I worked until half past ten or Es diez y media por la noche hehe… I know it’s irritating… will stop doing that… but practice make a better speaker… I couldn’t stay too late on Tuesday because I had an eight o’clock Separation tutorial on Wednesday… I was so tired… in fact I don’t quite remember what I did in class… I hoped the student didn’t notice the hangover-like tutor they had for the day… then it’s back to work…
Up till now, I can proudly say I’ve managed to clear off some of the ‘to do list’ on the bard in my office or at least change them to ‘follow up’ status… and that makes me happy…
So I guess I’d be able to go back to my usual blogging schedule… and not blog at weird times like 6 am anymore…
Bless all…
~ShaZ