Never expected this weekend to turn out quite the way it did… I left the paperwork I was supposed to take home at the office… and I can’t tell whether that was deliberate or an accident… part of me is just crying out for a break I guess… from everything proper and things that needed to be done… right things… responsibilities… commitments… I think I need just some time away from that… maybe I am just whining… I shouldn’t whine… not when there are others with issues more significant than mere discomforts and uncertainties… but my heart still cries out…
In the past two days I’ve been chatting with a fellow blogger… one whose blog I frequent… and I’ve had a few revelations… the most part of it was me listening to him… trying to grasp his frustration in a relationship he thinks unanswered… but I am not going to talk about that… I am going to talk about my feelings… this mixed emotions that I am getting… I guess this was bound to happen… that feeling of not progressing… being left behind... it started again after the reunion in Kajang… I was looking at everyone and I was sincerely happy for them… whilst I was bombarded with work at the office and missing classes I so wanted to attend… so what does this have to do with the other guy…?! Well… even though I appear to be helping him get along a cope with his frustrations, my soul is actually begging for his friendship… I know that doesn’t make sense and sounds so gay… but it’s not… sometimes we just kept the silence while I stare at the monitor… even the presence was enough for me… I felt that it helped ease my pain… I can’t call it loneliness because I am not alone… but it sure feels like it… I miss someone but I don’t know who… and it hurts… it really hurts… and I am confused…
And I am not crazy…
This hurts too much… and I don’t know what to say…
For all that is Holy, bless all…
~ShaZ
5 comments:
hi shaz..u should just take some time out n chill. wait, im not exactly sober now, so ill be back when i am.
peace to u bro.
its not called lonely, its called stressed out... big time!!
you know when u have too much to do and you succumb to work and not give your body the break it needs, your body retaliates in many ways beyond your expectation, including getting you all emo and confuse.....
so tell u what, why don't u just take a step back and relax. You'll be amazed how rejuvinating a 10-min-totally-not-thinking-about-work-session can be....
(or u could always try taking a 3 hour "nap" like me.. haha)
have a good weekend =)
yen: hey... thanx... i'll try...
s~beauty: for some reason you are making a lot of sense... but the problem is, when i am not doing anything, my mind wanders off... that's when the trouble begins... but napping works... :) maybe i need to nap more huehuehue
hey hows ur neck? it jsut reminds me cos i just did stg to my neck and i cant feel half of my head. its been a week now. lol.
hey man... it's fine now... but i think you should go get that neck of yours looked at... numbness is very bad... esp in the head... 'coz it might be a slipped disc or something... seriously man...
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