ReaLiZaTioN... hUrTs...

“Don’t make someone a priority if that person makes you an option”

I saw this on a friend’s MSN Messenger personal message… the timing was for lack of a better word… impeccable… I’ve been feeling like a pile of shit these past few days that even baking three dozens of chocolate muffins didn’t help… sometimes I just can’t help but feel that I get attached to thing rather to hastily and interpret gestures rather too emotionally… a flaw in my character… a flaw that always leaves me depressed and lonely… a smart friend of mine told me “… the internet doesn’t capture your true feelings… people can misinterpret…” and I am getting the first hand taste of how bitter misinterpretation can be… I realized a long long time ago how selfish and self-centered I could be… how I try to make things about me… how I don’t listen… and how I give away my trust and love so eagerly… only to selfishly expect trust and love in return… how insincerity and stupidity have crept into my heart…

If I know all this… why do I still complain?

… because it hurts… it hurts like hell… I’ve always felt that some that smiles and cannot be sincere about it is a very unlucky person… and Lord knows I try to be sincere…
*sigh*

A list:
How Stupid I Can Be…
A simple ‘Hello’ on IM would make me so happy;
A ‘Hey’ on IM returned with just another ‘Hey’ hurts me;
.
.
.

… this is too painful… I’ll stop here…

Bless…
~ShaZ